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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Son of the Damneddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Toxic_Rayne
    ASL Info:    18/f/a happier place
    Elite Ratio:    4.7 - 1314/1095/162
    Words: 420
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 870
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2695



    Description:
        I'm so sorry that it is long, I didn't want to make two pieces to it. I hope you guys like it.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSon of the Damneddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Listen...
    To the raindrops as they fall
    On this muddy ground
    In which he crawls
    Bleeding from his heart
    An emotional scar
    Like a poison dart
    Thunder rumbles from high up above
    He knows there isn't such a thing
    As an unbidden true love
    He tries to stand on his feet
    Yet collapses to the ground
    He screams without out a sound
    He grits his teeth
    Knees are painful yet numb
    Gazes at the ground that is beneath
    Rain-drenched black hair
    Hangs in front of golden eyes
    He swears under his breath
    As he gazes to the skys
    He shouts with all of his breath...

    "Heaven's a lie! I know I'm going to Hell whenever I die! I want to believe in you and believe me, I try...but there is no proof. There is no fucking truth, when it comes down to it all! And Dear fucking Lord, I'm ready to take this fall! I want to get this over and done! Instead of holding to my head a barrel of a gun!"

    Life isn't perfect
    And neither are people
    Deep down inside
    We are all rejects
    We have our regrets
    He's a problem child
    And his emotions
    Have all ran wild
    He can't take this anymore
    To him this life is nothing but
    A constantly bleeding sore
    Swallowed by darkness
    He's a freak
    A loser
    A Satanist
    He is what he is
    He can't change that
    He's too far gone
    Lost
    Disillusioned
    Issolated
    Filled with confusion
    And dellusion

    His hands are shaking uncontrolably
    He closes his eyes
    So he won't have to see
    Finger on the trigger
    Heart pounding like a drum
    He needs to feel something
    He doesn't want to be numb

    "I'm the son of the damned! I'll always be that way! To this very damn day! It was me that I wanted you to save...but my hope has driven me insane...and led me to an early grave. I'm sorry it has to end like this. I need to know if there is something more. That if I were to swim astray, there'll be someone to lead me to shore!"

    He takes a deep breath
    He pulls the trigger
    But pulls his hand back
    In blatant fear
    He feels the pain
    The end is near
    All begins to go black
    His grip on the gun
    Loosens and goes slack
    He falls onto his hands
    Mud splatters the air
    He feels so sick and dizzy
    He really doesn't care





    Submitted on 2005-12-17 00:12:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i like how you wrote this one, so vivid that everyone who reads it can definitely feel the drama and action in it... one doesnt have to use their own imagination to be able to comprehend the essence of it.. well expressed c",)
    | Posted on 2006-02-12 00:00:00 | by jane_kiedis | [ Reply to This ]
      its good and I like it alot more now Im depressed and can understand what its about when you know the end is near but you dont know what awaits you on the other side some times you want to know what there is and other times you dont really care
    | Posted on 2006-02-04 00:00:00 | by Animus Custodis | [ Reply to This ]
      This was amazing, the voice in this was absolutely brilliant. Reading this you get this over-whelming sense of hopelessness that is sad but amazing. Good write a definate fav.

    Amazed,
    Jermaine.
    | Posted on 2006-01-06 00:00:00 | by Flowerinbloom | [ Reply to This ]
      this iece has such great emotion that goes with it, as the reader ifeel his desperation and sorrow as well as his pain. i realy wanted just to step in and help the person even though i knew it was only a poem, i'm glad that you shared this poem and again this is another for the fav list.

    brandon
    | Posted on 2005-12-19 00:00:00 | by disturbedx1000 | [ Reply to This ]
      A beautiful write, i couldnt look away whilst reading it, you have an amazing talent for describing and whilst reading it it was like i was watching it happen in my head. I love the way its broken up by the guys words aswell. Thats an incredibly subtle yet dramatic effect that seperates it from the bulk of things.
    | Posted on 2005-12-19 00:00:00 | by edwardgalaxy | [ Reply to This ]
      wow that's all I can say wow. I usually don't like poem like this but this was great the only bit of suggestion I have ot is re read it and read word and take out some unnessary one but all in lal I really liked this poem
    | Posted on 2005-12-18 00:00:00 | by in_my_suffering | [ Reply to This ]
      beautifuly written and so realistic
    it is a wonderful write and deserves great appresiasion and stuff all those who don't like it.
    again I can see the referecnce to greenday but you have not coppied them which is good. well have a good time write more and do some thing interesting
    | Posted on 2005-12-18 00:00:00 | by Animus Custodis | [ Reply to This ]
      Crawling in the mud, Adam was made from the mud, therefore the mud in which this man lives is a human vessel, a God given coccon. This soul has gone blind deaf and dumb from what his actions are. not nessecarily(spelling?) in a literal sense. The feelings and idea of the third stanza can only be expresses by a soul it would seem. He hears but has not been heard. That is a twisted irony. The reasoning behind the son of the damned may be that since God will not claim him that must be what he is. Then he blows away the mortal vessel but he could not kill the soul. He is a ghost. A soul unclaimed by God. Hope I was close. Its not easy trying to see into another creatures mind. Thanks for posting.
    Yours Truly,
    Argos
    | Posted on 2005-12-18 00:00:00 | by Aruemos | [ Reply to This ]
      wow how to say this...this was really good until the end...the lack of hope made the illusion of the character...the finding of it in my opinion made it a little unoriginal. I can't figure out if this should even be a dark poem...songs inspired...something by the used,any song by MCR, and jesus of suburbia? anywyas yeah I Liked the beginning...that's the part the favs add is for.
    peace
    | Posted on 2005-12-17 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]


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