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twilight windows

Author: ertha
Elite Ratio:    4.35 - 124 /135 /24
Words: 86
Class/Type: Poetry /Serious
Total Views: 1065
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4th Jan 2006 I have made some more changes; cut more than a couple of words,...more reflections on reflections in the window
looking out at someone standing outside...or is it an illuson?
A metaphor and a descrpiton of something seen

twilight windows

I see a face in twilight windows,
where the shifting shadows swirl.
Half reflecting,
floating on the brink of night,
where time runs deep,
old secrets sink.

Outside my window, an apparition
inside my image,
conjoined ghosts.
Translucent figures mingle together,
Remade reflections gazing blindly.
Like shipwrecked sailors under water,
mouthing unheard soundless words.

Eternal, silent,
ancient stories
conveying meaning past all frontiers.
Touching, though we are apart
passing through these twilight windows
where the shifting shadows swirl.

Submitted on 2005-12-17 06:13:44     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  I really liked this piece a lot. I have to wonder how often we look and see exactly what we want to see and not what really is there. I know that I tend to do that quite a bit. It's easier for me to remember things being better than what they really were-easier to cope I think.

Either way, you made me think. I wonder exactly what I would see if I was looking at myself through a window. Anyway, this was a good write.

| Posted on 2005-12-19 00:00:00 | by dreamweaver | [ Reply to This ]
  Yea, I thought I'd chip my two cents in and say how I enjoyed reading this piece of yours. It's got great imagery and nice rhythm and sonics. The second stanza in particular, stood out to me.

I'll question a couple of things though that might need attention. Some stanzas could probably do with another comma or so... I don't want to point out individual instances but I'm pretty sure you know where I mean... I always look at the way a piece is constructed, the patterns involved - and you have punctuation througout - so yea, I'm just talking about consistency, you know?

I also wanted to bring up your similes - which are great, by the way - it's just that your last three stanzas begin with the word 'like'. It's something I noticed, these little repetitive technicalities.

But yea, this is a beautiful and moving piece Ertha. Enjoyed, thank you.

| Posted on 2005-12-17 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]
  Nicely done, you captured the surreal atmosphere of gazing at opaque reflections very well.

My take on it was the other self you see through the reflection is the you you wish you could be, the one that is always there...but not really there. Always staying beyond the shadows, as we are never ever satisfied with who we are.

my fave bit "where secrets sink" I liked that lots.

very well done, and enjoyable reflection (sorry) and nicely thought-provoking

be happy

| Posted on 2005-12-17 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
  Kind of like watching tv through someone elses window! This was a great way of describing the world through someone elses eyes.

We are often so involved in our own thoughts and troubles we forget to walk a wgile in our neighbors shoes... so to speak. Thanks for the reminder that we I am not the only person in the world... sometimes I forget!

| Posted on 2005-12-17 00:00:00 | by stormyskye | [ Reply to This ]

I like the way this takes me though the images as a flight of imagination.

reflection projected

This line says a great deal about reflections. How many are really our projection of what we would like to see?

My only suggestion, just a thought from my perspective.

Would you consider bringing the close of the poem back to the window. Perhaps just repeat the first verse. It seems to dangle just a tad. That might be more like a frame for your beautiful picture.

I enjoyed it.

Good job!

| Posted on 2005-12-17 00:00:00 | by beatthedrum | [ Reply to This ]
  If this is about love, it seems a very distant sort; as if the reflected images from opposite sides of a barrier are all the two principles in this write have in common. The darkness mentioned in this poem is not menacing or depressing, rather it appears mysterious; as if a connection that should be apparent hasn't been made (except possibly as an image of oneself in the eyes of another). Very intriguing writing. Nicely done. Take care. Bill.
| Posted on 2005-12-17 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
  Quite a scene all the way back to troubadours, and in your garden as well. I'd cut back on the homemade wine, I hear it will make you take back things you never stole, but thats just a rumor among the old timers running stills in the mountains.
But, I'll also bet you were looking out that window and were witness to this. The darkness outside can reveal the strangest things as you peer into it.
Somehow you do not seem as though you are very dark, but you were there!
This reminded me of that old commercial, ' A myme is a terrible thing to waste'
Nice reading you again.
| Posted on 2005-12-17 00:00:00 | by Clayton | [ Reply to This ]

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