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    dots Submission Name: Untitleddots

    Author: Metal Heart74
    Elite Ratio:    5.12 - 72/61/17
    Words: 205
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 844
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1233

       This is for her. She may have a hard time finding the words, but I dure don't. Suggestions for a title would be aprpecitated.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    I would take a bullet from a gun
    To save the life of those eyes
    I would walk through Hell and back
    As punishment for my wicked lies

    No words describe what I feel inside
    No emoticons can show
    If I died so you should live
    That's all I'd need to know

    A face of radiance, her smile melts
    Her lips seal her all those secrets
    that never shall she tell

    Entering the room, the light comes with
    that pretty face, those sparkling eyes
    Never will you ever see her
    Hang her head and cry

    For that would be a pain
    to accompany all my travels
    A journey to the edge of heaven
    As I'm cast down to Hell

    Eternal suffering is the price to pay
    and pay it I shall do
    As long as she is happy
    Then nothing wouldn't I prove

    Love is nothing, but a comfort in the night
    A flickering flame, one so bright
    Never will I try to kill the light
    It is no more than an impossible fight

    This is for you
    dearest of my love
    I would lay down my life
    So you should rise above

    Submitted on 2005-12-17 14:13:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is such a sweet love poem. I am such a sucker for love poems so my opinion could be biased but I thought this was lovely. How wonderful to be able to feel this way about someone. And not just love them but to want to protect them and even sacrifice your life for them is really something. Perhaps you could call this one "Sacrifice" or, "Anything for you". I think those two suggestions are very well suited for this poem. This is a very sweet and warm poem and you have done a great job expressing your feelings for her. Wonderful. Take care.

    | Posted on 2006-01-10 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey Mtt, I hope this is the works you where telling me about,first off there is one typo,I think its in line six It think you meant emotion not emoticon but then I could be wrong , as for the poem itself goes, I thought it showed a lot of intensity what you are feeling and of course thats good,,I got stubbed there on line 10 &11 had to read it twice more to fulling get what was being said, (Her lips seal all those secrets, that never shall she tell) I thought it just should of simply of said her lips seal secrets, that never shall she tell, but then again thats just my point of view kid, as for a title I thought maybe Eternal Flame would do nicely, and by the way it is a very will worth while piece , take care keep tapping those keys adnil
    | Posted on 2005-12-18 00:00:00 | by adnil | [ Reply to This ]
      This certainly gives me the message that you are extremely in love with this girl. :) I think that your first line should be your last line tho...it seems such a harsh way to start a love poem, talking about taking a bullet for someone you love. It would make a strong statement at the end however. In fact , I would suggest that you start the piece with the lines that begin : " a face of radiance..."then add the original first 2 sets of 4 lines each at the end of the piece and see how that comes together. Just a thought...and I am a girl , so if this is to please a girl , then maybe that validates my comments a bit. :) As for a title, how about "Her Eyes" or "For Her". Damn...I wish I had a guy writing poems about me ! :)
    | Posted on 2005-12-17 00:00:00 | by BLee | [ Reply to This ]

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