[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: pain...order of the daydots

    Author: jbb360
    ASL Info:    22.m.wa
    Elite Ratio:    3.63 - 25/36/12
    Words: 280
    Class/Type: Poetry/Religious
    Total Views: 731
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1726

       a poem

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotspain...order of the daydots

    welcome to the diner
    where what we serve is pain
    angush in your stomach
    pounding in your brain
    all you can eat evil
    consumes your every being
    take a look at lifes menu
    and wonder what your seeing
    cause seeing is believing
    and here your barely breathing
    try to go up for air
    and we can leave you weezing
    have a glass of regret
    to wash down that plate of hate
    weve got your every worry
    we dont discriminate
    welcome to the world
    known as the diner of pain
    the anguish in your stomach
    the pounding in your brain
    weve got the lovers stew
    that will make your heart wrench
    weve got rope au grautin
    the help you make that lynch
    every thing is here
    for the hurting soul
    but we serve nothing here
    to help make your life whole
    but ive got some advice
    dont tell them that i told you
    i kno where to get help
    just go ask this old dude
    he lives way up stairs
    its not an easy walk
    but hes an easy goin friend
    he'll listen when you talk
    he serves hope and joy
    and he never rubs in the salt
    though this is only a rumor
    and most people say its false
    but a guy came in the other day
    saying he knows thats its true
    shhhh here comes my boss....
    ok the lover stew!
    im glad that i could help
    be back in a moment
    ill bring you all your food
    and rub in the salt ya kno this
    but think about what i said
    the guy that lives above
    i hear the foods delicious
    and its laced with love....

    Submitted on 2005-12-17 15:11:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      OK...this was really interesting to read-but do you know what was goin through my head from the first line? "Welcome to the Jungle" by Guns N Roses! Ha Ha Ha
    The whole time I was reading this, that was what was going through my head and I had a hard time getting passed that. However, once I did and started really comprehending what I was reading, this piece was pretty good. As I said, interesting. I guess if someone's lost and looking for someplace to go, a diner is a great place to find out where the best hangouts are hey?! This one stirred up a lot of thought, I think I'll pass on that stew though!
    Nice job!

    | Posted on 2005-12-20 00:00:00 | by dreamweaver | [ Reply to This ]
      Awesome. Basics:rhyme flow meaning, were strong and noticable. In detail. This was really good. It made me think. I am indecisive about the diner. I cna't decide if it was representing hell? or not knowing God. I am not the most religious guy in the worl (I am struggling to decide what I do and don't believe) but this piece really made me think. I liked that. THe images and descriptions provided for the diner were vivid and utterly descriptive-it really puts the reader in the appropriate mind set. THis was a really vocal poem, I am glad I read it.
    Metal Heart74
    | Posted on 2005-12-17 00:00:00 | by Metal Heart74 | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]