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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Full Circledots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: SHRINKSDR
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 476/375/39
    Words: 271
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 1545
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1727



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFull Circledots
    -------------------------------------------


    Full Circle


    Waking up to daylight,
    To trees in winter wear.
    Their coats a snowy white,
    As winter's breath blows near.

    So Brisk, and so invigorating,
    As it reddens cheek and nose,
    And tries to get through wooly socks
    To tickle tiny toes.

    The meadow is a sea of white
    A shimmer in the sun
    Except where dark, black Crows alight
    While looking for a crumb.

    Reminded of an earlier day,
    When I, a boy would frolic
    And dad took out the sleigh
    To the woods and hills bucolic.

    The feel of snow upon my face
    As we barreled down the hill,
    Held secure in dadís strong arms
    Was there ever such a thrill.

    Cold and wet we rushed back home
    Where we knew that mom was baking
    With nice warm soup and cocoa
    And goodies she was making.

    She greeted me with kiss and hug
    And asked if I had fun.
    Iíll never forget how warm and snug
    It felt to be that that son.

    Such sweet nostalgic reveries
    Of a bygone day,
    Are now replaced by a father
    Who himself takes out the sleigh,

    And firmly puts his daughter'
    Secure and tightly bound,
    Upon the American Flyer
    With his arms firmly around.

    His laughing giggling girl
    Is loving every minute
    Of this scary downhill whirl
    And never wants to end it.

    So now we come full circle,
    And I hope within my joy
    That my daughter feels the same
    As did that little boy.

    Steven D. R




    Submitted on 2005-12-17 15:38:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Hi Steve,

    It seems the word people are using to describe this is sweet and they're right it is. I'm a little puzzled by your structure in the beginning, as it seems a bit awkward. Perhaps if you dropped
    "Of joyous, jubilant children
    playing in the snow."
    and rearranged the begining to:

    "Waking up to daylight,
    To trees in winter wear.
    Their coats a snowy white,
    As winter's breath blows near.

    So Brisk, and so invigorating,
    As it reddens cheek and nose,
    And tries to get through wooly socks
    To tickle tiny toes.

    The tiny toes part brings in the fact that we're speaking of kids and the cold wind implies snow. In any event that will even up your rhyming structure.

    A good ,heartfelt and , yes, sweet piece.

    Steve
    | Posted on 2006-01-17 00:00:00 | by Lost Sheep | [ Reply to This ]
      A very sweet piece without being overdone. You should keep this so you can show it to her when she's older.

    Peace,

    Joe
    | Posted on 2006-01-12 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey Steve, its been far too long

    I loved this. Very sweet, remembering times with your parents & having the same with your children.
    Simple form yet very beautifull done, writen so that we could see it & share in the lovely times you are telling us of.

    Memories can be such a beautiful thing, I know that your children will be able to look back just as you did.

    Thank you so much for this write, I loved every minute of it.
    take care Steve
    ~jennifer
    | Posted on 2006-01-10 00:00:00 | by joy7542 | [ Reply to This ]
      oh, how sweet and endearing is this! it took me back to the days when we had a huge hill in our back yard (well, it's probably not as huge as i remember!) and my brother and my dad and i would ride down on our sleds late at night when everyone else had gone home...
    mom was always ready with the cocoa and then prayers by the bed and to be tucked in..
    wonderful memories you've brought back.

    it's wonderful that you have come full circle with your own daughter and that she, too, will have such memories to carry on to her own children.
    thanks for a wonderful trip down memory lane!

    i enjoyed this very very much.

    peace&love,
    ~Cat
    | Posted on 2006-01-08 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked the full circle idea. Maybe someday my kids will get to live through year round summer and do the things i do, like surf and such. That's a neat idea, I've never thought about it. Anyway, this isn't much of a critique, happy holidays!
    | Posted on 2005-12-31 00:00:00 | by fabulousAMY | [ Reply to This ]
      Life's circles are so cool! I really enjoyed this little romp in the snow. (I wish we got more snow here- we have great sledding hills, but they all bottom out in muddy puddles!)

    A very good write, although I'm a bit anal about punctuation... must work on that...

    Take Care!

    Chell
    | Posted on 2005-12-22 00:00:00 | by Chell | [ Reply to This ]
      Your, Full Circle Write, was brilliant!
    Not only does it show what you feel for your Dad and the memories you have, but those memories have inspired you to create the same ones with your little girl...Treasured memories of fun between a child and Father...
    Beautiful fun on a cold wintery snowy day.
    A girl and her Dad having a ball!


    Smiles always,,
    ~Linda
    | Posted on 2005-12-22 00:00:00 | by AlabamaFarmGirl | [ Reply to This ]
      Steve

    This write was beautiful
    You really captured that emotional feeling one gets from looking back at there lives
    I really liked how you took this poem abot memories past and brought them to today
    In the innocent eyes
    Of a Child
    God Bless
    Your Friend
    Ron

    And Thank You for the recent comments
    I very much appreciate them
    I will be looking for new posts from you
    Ron
    | Posted on 2005-12-21 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      Awww, that is so sweet!
    Isn't it just wonderful to be able to share childhood experiences with our children? I love taking my girls to places I went as a child, watching their reactions to see if they're like mine.
    Delightful write, Steve.
    Traci :)
    | Posted on 2005-12-20 00:00:00 | by onetruesmartass | [ Reply to This ]
      I enjoyed this. I loved reading about the good times you had as a boy with your parents.. and how you brought those same good times to your daughter. Though the scenes were in winter, it brought a warm smile to me. Simple and sweet.
    The winter decriptions in the first and third stanzas were great. And the nostalgia in the entire piece was warming, and nice to read.
    I look forward to your next post.
    ~ Sandra
    | Posted on 2005-12-20 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
      Steve,

    This is lovely on so many levels. It stands on its own with the picture you paint.

    It runs through the thread between generations in a touching way. The under current is so reflective and insightful.

    Nicely done.

    Chrystine
    | Posted on 2005-12-19 00:00:00 | by beatthedrum | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a lovely poem Steve! How wonderful to remember the wonderful times you had as a child and such a joyous and precious time you had sledding with your father. And the part about going home to a house full of the smell of freshly baked cookies from mom...YUM! And then to bring it full circle as the title says, and you are now the father with a daughter, out there enjoying the day in the snow and creating lasting memories of happiness. This is very well written and expressed. You provided wonderful imagery throughout this write and really captured some precious times to remember always. Really good job with this one! Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-12-18 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      I enjoyed this rambling meander down memory lane, it was sweet and warm and will surely be an heirloom for that little girl. It's funny how you know you are creating memories that will never be replaced for your children and yet they seem to lack the fullness of your own. Mom's won't be baking in a kitchen filled with the aromas of cookies made from scratch, eaten while you sat around a wood stove or space heater. Ah but they'll still be wonderful memories just the same. Nice write! Dan
    | Posted on 2005-12-17 00:00:00 | by dmm | [ Reply to This ]
      This was delightful. I love the description in the beginning, it set the poem up beautifully. The ending brought it all together very well, it was simple but long, but also didn't lose my interest, rare thing.

    Marvelous job, keep it up.

    -Miss M.
    | Posted on 2005-12-17 00:00:00 | by fightingirl19 | [ Reply to This ]
      What a choker that was a good closing stanza excuse me while I weep...This was a long write but it no way was it difficult to finish. At one point I could have been there myself. I loved reading it and will do again, definate fave. This was very personal poem but at the same time the emotion that comes through is one any loving father can share.

    TTFN
    V
    | Posted on 2005-12-17 00:00:00 | by Vastmark | [ Reply to This ]
      Awww Steve, a nice picture of good times, with a neat warm feel right through.

    Sometimes simple is best, ya know, i like your sentimental side, and I liked this

    be happy

    graeme
    | Posted on 2005-12-17 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]


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