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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Greydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: OrionsStorm
    ASL Info:    18/M/VA
    Elite Ratio:    2.74 - 180/247/76
    Words: 145
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 680
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 965



    Description:
       I thought of this in the shower of all places...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Greydots
    -------------------------------------------


    hello my friends,
    may I show you a new end?
    I am a cancer, a disease,
    you've probably seen me,
    lurking under the eaves
    perhaps you've seen me,
    hunched over in the nightm
    basking in the pale moon light

    hello my love,
    peaceful like a dove,
    perhaps you've seen her,
    clean, and white,
    in the beautiful sunlight
    running in the sun to play,
    basking in the lingering light of day

    Am I your friend?
    perhaps you should bend
    find your new will
    before the evil makes you ill
    I am neither of these,
    light and dark are merely a tease
    The world is ruly grey inside
    If you knew, it would make you hide
    My final verse, the last stanza
    are for the spaces in between
    between the lines, between the lovers
    between the pain, between the hate
    the grey that resides.




    Submitted on 2005-12-17 16:10:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      i loved this poem it was well thought of and in it self what we see is not always what we get good job and keep it up i am going to add this to my faves
    | Posted on 2006-01-21 00:00:00 | by EV2884 | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like this. I like the fact that it's not one of those dark side light side things. Everything doesn't have to be one or the other. I like the last stanza the best. Anyway, this is great. Keep writing, bro.

    Sarah
    | Posted on 2005-12-19 00:00:00 | by S.A.M. | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the meaning of this poem to me it conveys the inbetween of reality. However, you should have used the description of black in your first stanza and I'm not sure what nightm is (typ-o?)
    Maybe you should break the last stanza into two, as it is longer than the first two before it and throws the form off.

    I did like this and think it deserves a little tweeking.
    | Posted on 2005-12-19 00:00:00 | by oixi | [ Reply to This ]
      beautiful, its great like the rest of your stuff..i love the way you totally show where the grey is coming through, and yeah i think of great writing in the weirdest places too.
    | Posted on 2005-12-18 00:00:00 | by BleedingTears | [ Reply to This ]
      Good rhyme. That was about it. I do not see a clear point of the poem nor do I agree with whatever points I managed to find in there. Keep writing, however. You've got some skill.

    {Kate}
    | Posted on 2005-12-18 00:00:00 | by Jester_Gesture | [ Reply to This ]
      it reminds me of a song by the monkeys. the message is one that isn't touched on very much any more, but was popular in the seventies. i liked it, especially the ryhming sceme. i agree with saimi marie, the typo is the only thing i'd change. Mesculine and Milkshakes- ang :)(:
    | Posted on 2005-12-17 00:00:00 | by m with two i_s | [ Reply to This ]
      Life is only shades of gray, the lighter shades sometimes mistaken for white, the darker for black.
    I truly loved this poem. Never stop writing.
    | Posted on 2005-12-17 00:00:00 | by Red_reaper | [ Reply to This ]
      Love the message and the tone of the poem. Good job! There was a typo in the sixth line of the first stanza, that's all that i would fix though.
    | Posted on 2005-12-17 00:00:00 | by Saimi Marie | [ Reply to This ]


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