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    dots Submission Name: Movingdots

    Author: tmullins
    ASL Info:    37/F/Mo
    Elite Ratio:    4.5 - 127/149/41
    Words: 143
    Class/Type: Poetry/Religious
    Total Views: 787
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 913

       Our move is complete, building is still under some construction, but most classes have resumed. My pastor read this to the congregation, anonymously of course, the first sunday at our new church home!

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Our church family has found a new home.
    We needed more room, for our family has grown.

    With all the painting and walls to be built,
    I'm left feeling sad, remorseful, and some guilt.

    Our classes have been cancelled on Wednesday night,
    Tuesdays with sisters, Sunday evenings too. It doesn't seem right!

    All my new friends, and family I miss!
    My life seems empty, I've lost all my bliss!

    I can't wait to see all the kids that I teach.
    I can't wait to hear the Pastor preach.

    I did not realize how much time I spend,
    Learning, teaching, and praying with friends.

    Now as we wait for the final touches,
    Walls to be painted with love and brushes.

    Pictures to be hung, and chairs to be placed.
    We can't wait to fill all the space!

    Submitted on 2005-12-17 20:30:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I don't know... I found this too simply there isn't much to comment about... as for the rhyme pattern I have to say that it serves largely to convey the idea of how straightforwardly the poem itself was written. I guess the title fits... er... The style in a way reminds of something I wrote a couple of months ago called "Awaited Answers". Nice attempt tough. Good luck and keep writing
    | Posted on 2005-12-17 00:00:00 | by Ethan Brody | [ Reply to This ]
      You wrote this for your church? I bet your preacher has a great following. This is a good tribute to your church and paster of your church.
    Its nice to find a place to belong. Churches are good if you find the right one for you. I used to go to church but I find that i must find the right one that allows me to be comfortable.

    Well you did a good job on this onne

    It has been a while since you been on the ES and it is good to see you back.

    Nice job here Traci

    Respect and Admiration

    | Posted on 2005-12-17 00:00:00 | by Wisdom Seeker | [ Reply to This ]
      This is quite a good piece with a constant rhyming scheme that comes off pretty well, however when reading i found that the paired lines are sometimes not the same length and it makes it a bit harder to follow, my only suggestion is to try and get the lines to roughly the same amount of sylables per pair and you'll find that it reads a lot better.
    Overall a good constant piece,
    | Posted on 2005-12-18 00:00:00 | by corruptedspirit | [ Reply to This ]

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