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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Not Easy When you Love Themdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: shombray
    ASL Info:    18/F/Texas
    Elite Ratio:    5.31 - 103/91/26
    Words: 181
    Class/Type: Poetry/BrokenHeart
    Total Views: 593
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1061



    Description:
       I guess you can say I am somewhat going through this.If you want to know more then PM me.Tell me what you think.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsNot Easy When you Love Themdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Wondering if its the right thing to do
    This decision has been way past due
    Thinking of the good things they have done
    But the bad memories seem to overcome
    Given too many chances away
    And thats why you are here today
    Its hard to hold your head up high
    When you must tell them bye
    The words don't want to come out
    You begin having too many doubts
    Now you are in front of their face
    You want to kiss and embrace
    Hoping they will not take the news bad
    But they will because of what you two had
    You tell them "Its over" or "We're through"
    Saying this was very hard to do
    They get mad and go off on you
    You start to argue with them too
    Then you two go your separate ways
    Neither one of you will forget this day
    Now you are feeling so damn bad
    Wondering if you lost the best thing youve had
    Brake ups have never been easy to do
    But somtimes its important for you.




    Submitted on 2005-12-18 04:58:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I was a little confused while reading your poem "Not Easy When You Love Them", your references seemed to indicate someone else in a pair. Words consistant are, "they, them, their." As you state in your description that this is something you are sort of going through, I found it strange to refer to they, and them, sounds to me as though you are saying this about two other individuals, possibly a threesome?
    I think it would be better metered, making for an easier flow and read if your eighth line, last word is good-bye, not just bye. good-bye is wishing them well as they or you go.
    Also, next to the last line brake ups, should be spelled breakups.
    Now that this is behind us, let me tell you I truly enjoyed this poem, even though sad. Do we ever really know whether or not we are doing the right thing? I think know, but when we stop growing in a relationship, it is time to travel along another road with all of its trials and tribulations making it energized and exciting.
    It just occurred to me, that you probably were telling the story of a long overdue break-up between two people, and you are placed in the middle, observing.

    Be well, and may
    God bless,
    Yvonne
    | Posted on 2005-12-18 00:00:00 | by dycrain | [ Reply to This ]
      This was very telling. I could easily relate to the issue itself. I felt identified with nearly every line you wrote. The poem reminds me of something I wrote a couple of weeks ago that I haven’t really posted called "Misleading Appearances.” I reckon that there's no need to explain what the issue is all about because is more less self explanatory. Likewise I consider this work bears some remembrance to something I read last night called "I see". Have a look at it if you want coz it's also interesting the way the writers refers to her parents. Additionally, I'd recommend you to conceal some elements so as to make the poem a tad more mysterious and not to make everything too obvious. Also, take a look at lines 22 and 23 coz in the former you miss an apostrophe and in the later you misspelled "Break up". I think this is a good piece of writing with a suitable and well thought-out title but could be enhanced in order to make it even better. Good luck and take care.
    Ethan.
    | Posted on 2005-12-18 00:00:00 | by Ethan Brody | [ Reply to This ]


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