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Author: zhi wei
ASL Info:    17, Male, Malaysia.
Elite Ratio:    6.14 - 171 /203 /53
Words: 145
Class/Type: Poetry /Nostalgia
Total Views: 1208
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 977


we were on this trip, and I just couldn't sleep. so I wrote. about not being able to sleep. haha.


If only the star-showered skies
would surprise me with their song;
where hello’s knew not goodbyes –
’tis a time
of life far-flung and gone.

The dreamy melody, faint and light
will be my reminiscent rainbow.
Of my playful dancing kite
And bare feet
across a lush green meadow.

And at night, I shall rest this head
beneath the bright lights shining;
And drift into dreams so soundly made
Of mockingbirds
and diamond rings.

Alas, to what end do I hound these hopes?
But to aimlessly suffer a beastly burn!
For time justly travels on steady slopes;
And we may not borrow
That which we cannot return.

O, how I yearn for this familiar lullaby,
Lingering and lost in memories ages long,
O, if only,
If only the star-showered skies
would surprise me with their song.

Submitted on 2005-12-18 06:35:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  This was really well written. Very beautiful.
The restless sleep is evident here, I really like the words you used. The depth that was in the lines.
I really have nothing negitive to say about it.

Each part had something different to say, yet it all came together.
The end was my favorite part, it really had a great sense of longing.
Really well done, I enjoyed this alot.
take care
| Posted on 2005-12-20 00:00:00 | by joy7542 | [ Reply to This ]
  You've written in a style reminiscent of a 17th-19th century poet, full of the familiar personification and archaisms typical of the British (and later American) Romantic period. Despite the visual rhyme in the third stanza, 'shining' and 'rings' have more of an alliterative feel than true rhyme. That being said, this was a well composed work for an insomniac. Nicely done. Wish you the best. Bill.
| Posted on 2005-12-19 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
  i really liked this, it made me think back to the days in which my mother would sing lullaby's to me, this is great. its so original and i like the word flow. it just seemed to come together so easily. good job and nice write, though i think if you would change the third stanza a little bit, i know of one lullaby that has the last 2 lines in it, but i think it would be better if you edited that part out. but its your poem, i just think it might be a little better if you did. later, good poem

| Posted on 2005-12-18 00:00:00 | by insphered soul | [ Reply to This ]

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