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    dots Submission Name: Performing Badlydots

    Author: Sugar
    ASL Info:    23/F/UK
    Elite Ratio:    3.43 - 84/63/9
    Words: 102
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1177
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 696


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    dotsPerforming Badlydots

    The previously marred reflection is distorted further
    The looking glass shatters and drowns beneath the vicious waves
    The social actors stare - amused, entertained and dismayed
    By me

    Constructed to repel, to sicken
    Born seeking comfort in a world of despair, hate and rage
    I stand alone, crushed by the demands of a thousand strangers
    A disgrace to the stage

    Significant others turn to ignorance and denial
    Hiding their burning, sweaty faces behind their pale, sweaty hands
    Avoiding the cutting glares of the unforgiving crowd
    And all I can do is carry on
    Awkward. Embarrassed. Afraid.

    Submitted on 2005-12-18 11:04:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is an interesting poem. You have captured this moment well and these feelings that go along with it. I think there are times in our lives when we all feel this way, and may I say, what a horrible feeling it is. And especially when even your closest loved ones shy away, then you really feel bad. This poem is different from what I have read in a long while. So I appreciate it just for originality. Good work. Take care.

    | Posted on 2006-01-28 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      I like how its diffrent then most.

    and I love the words you use in this piece and how u desribe this ->
    Hiding their burning, sweaty faces behind their pale, sweaty hands
    | Posted on 2006-01-20 00:00:00 | by DrewDilla | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a pretty strong effort. I'd eliminate some unnecessary words (like 'the'). I'd also consider finding some other way of saying 'significant others' - to me it takes away from the intensity you're trying to convey.

    You also mght want to consider making the last line 3 separates lines or stanzas to increase the impact. Feel free to take or leave the suggestions, it's your work. And it's a well-done poem.


    | Posted on 2006-03-06 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      the write catches the concept of making mistakes in front of a crowd of ppl. having done this myself i know exactly how it feels. and this write brings that feeling forward. great write.
    | Posted on 2005-12-27 00:00:00 | by Leon Kennedy | [ Reply to This ]
      I liek the diction and word choice a lot. You have exccellent style.
    'awkward. embarrassed. afraid.'
    THat line is fabulous.
    | Posted on 2005-12-18 00:00:00 | by NeonOrangePrize | [ Reply to This ]

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