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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Dear John Letterdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: beatthedrum
    ASL Info:    55- F - Southern CA USA
    Elite Ratio:    4.18 - 881/810/122
    Words: 155
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 837
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1028



    Description:
       Just in case someone is not aware, Dear John is an allegory for a letter that says I have found someone else.

    I was asked to submit a poem for a Remembrance Day anthology. It marks the armistice of World War I.

    I began working with images from that experience.

    I call this a self-justified poem. It is thirty-five characters and/or spaces per line. The form is clearer if it is done in a non-proportional font like courier. That will look as it might on a typewriter of that time. I thought the straight lines of the piece might add to the military feel.

    Let me know what you think.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDear John Letterdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Read in a shivering cold trench row
    Dear John, the name a sharp bayonet
    Attacking all for which he'd fought

    A veteran's voice comes with advice
    Danger may hide in extended loyalty
    When an amorous armor fatally fails

    Beware what's left as hidden threat
    A disguised disfigured memory keeps
    Unexploded mines buried on the road

    Step away, walking without honoring
    An abandoned casualty, those fallen
    In a fight for what might have been

    Lost love leaves no heroes standing
    Refuse to watch them writhe in pain
    Lying discarded in trenches of time

    Don't hold a bloody corpse too long
    There is no sense embraced by death
    Or memory cuddled until last breath

    Make a shelter within the noisy war
    And the battlement of forgetfulness
    The voice fades in the battle's din

    He is alone, very alone in his hole




    Submitted on 2005-12-18 11:07:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      I like this very much, very much. Being personally close to this subject I found it both biting and poinent. I don't normally go for what I usually refer to as "sight gags" in poems but this worked very well for me. Riggidity and appearance before all else is the hallmark of military life but it also works comming from the outside to a person in the military. The iron trap of the situation. As if you had nothing better to worry about.

    A good friend of mine just died in Iraq not long after getting such a letter and we all wonder if his natural tendencies twords being reckless wasn't exasterbated by the experience. His family didn't go into any details with the rest of us (his army buddies) and we didn't pry. I carried him one last time on my shoulder as we had done for each other so many times before. It was the least, and sadly, the only thing left that I could do for him.

    But anyway, I don't mean to go off on a very depressing tare here, this isn't the place for that. Excellent piece. Thanks for writing it.

    Jason
    | Posted on 2005-12-23 00:00:00 | by Jason The Basta | [ Reply to This ]
      Chrystine
    I really liked this one
    You see many poems about World War 2 but suprisingly very few about World War 1
    Very Nicely Written

    By the way I met A friend of yours a couple of times now in Redondo named Tika
    I hope you can come down when I get back from New Jersey after Feb 17th to finally meet you in Redondo
    Id Love to hear you read
    Take Care
    And Merry Christmas
    and Lets Pray for Peace in 2006
    Ron
    | Posted on 2005-12-21 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      In Lao Tso's writings he says that a conscious man conducts war like a funeral, egoless and with blessings upon the enemy. This write just reminded me of how that would be appropriate. I do know broken hearts, but the factor of need versus choice weighs heavily in healthy love.

    Great use of images here Chrys, the only World War I memorial is here in Kansas City, when does it come out?

    The doc says I have pneumonia, my holidays plans are surely amiss and I'm home. Just got a burst of energy to get online for a bit, I do feel a bit better right now.

    Wish you the best of the season, and much love

    Nan
    | Posted on 2005-12-21 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      you have given yourself a complicated task .
    and written a complex poem. The double meanings thought this poem demands the reader's full attention…that's no bad thing!
    I read this poem several times…that's no bad thing either. It is very intriguing, food for thought…
    and good writing.
    | Posted on 2005-12-20 00:00:00 | by ertha | [ Reply to This ]
      What an interesting metaphor. Original, and well written. My first thought was the actual "war theme" for me (which was very good).. yet after reading it again, I found the many implications of relationships, of love and rejection, etc. Very nicely done.
    I felt the emotion of the soldier as he recieved and read the letter. I like the advice in this piece.. "Do not dwell on "what was" for too long. "
    Enjoyed the alliterations throughout the write.
    Think I'll have to Fav' this one. It holds meaning for me.
    Thanks for the read.
    ~Sandra
    | Posted on 2005-12-19 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
      ------------------------------------------
    When an amorous armor fatally fails
    Beware what's left as hidden threat
    A disguised disfigured memory keeps
    Unexploded mines buried on the road
    ------------------------------------------
    I think this is where most of us 'single-for-lifers' get stuck, stumbling in this mine field until we stop walking altogether.

    -----------------------------------------------
    -Refuse to watch them writhe in pain
    ----------------------------------------------
    That's what we fail to do. Leave the casualties behind. So well put.

    | Posted on 2005-12-18 00:00:00 | by scienceyear | [ Reply to This ]
      This was quite good and the metaphor worked really well!!

    I liked; Lost love leaves no heroes standing
    Refuse to watch them writhe in pain
    Lying discarded in trenches of time

    This was well done!!

    Steve
    | Posted on 2005-12-18 00:00:00 | by SHRINKSDR | [ Reply to This ]
      Yeah, I think the rigidity of the lines does add to the military feel. I quite like "When an amorous armor fatally fails" and " A disguised disfigured memory keeps." They're both nicely alliterative and keep the military imagery going.

    Lost love leaves no heroes standing
    Refuse to watch them writhe in pain
    Lying discarded in trenches of time

    Don't hold a bloody corpse too long
    There is no sense embraced by death
    Or memory cuddled until last breath

    Those are also excellent (classic even). This is really very good. I write a lot about such wars (because I have no experience in the other sort). Nicely done, Amy
    | Posted on 2005-12-18 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      Very clever, I'll take your word that there is indeed 35 wotsits per line, well done it must be frustrating at points to get the words you want in and convey the story, and of this size you did very well.
    Only a couple of words i'd like to pull up, correct me if i'm wrong. A foxhole I think is more associated with WWII and Vietnam due to most of the fighting done in trenches. And I'm not sure fortress belongs in there again for the above reason, however you worked with what you had and I enjoyed reading this. Cheers.

    TTFN
    V
    | Posted on 2005-12-18 00:00:00 | by Vastmark | [ Reply to This ]
      i like this one, the way you used your words, the way you descirbed it deeply, it shows emotion that very many people don't get to exprince. good write
    | Posted on 2005-12-18 00:00:00 | by in_a_trap | [ Reply to This ]


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