Description: I have no idea, but imagine being in love to just have it disreguarded or never even acknowledged or even worse taking it to your grave.........
Love Dust -------------------------------------------
I try to touch you
the only thing keeping me here
is the thought that maybe one day
engulf your sweet
feel like a better man in your
no longer do my faults
these things no-one
what's to become of
I wish I could've
even in your
a man, his love
This poem is lovely. Very sad but lovely. You convey these feelings so well with your words. This poem reads with such a sincere softness and deep inner sadness that it really touches the reader. I have been here too. It sucks. Being hurt by someone you love more than anything is so hard to take. It eats at your very existance and all the questions it leaves you with go unanswered. And to look at this in another aspect of loving someone and never telling them sounds horrible. I can say I dont know that feeling fortunately but I can imagine it would really suck. Anyway, this format you used here works really well with this theme and your words are well chosen and expressed. A lovely write. Take care.
This is really something different from you. When I was younger I had the whole unrequited crush thing, but to actually love someone that doesn't return or even acknowledge that emotion..I can't begin to imagine it. This is a great write. It brings across the longing and desire, but also resignation. If she's real, I hope you don't give up just yet. Traci :)
this is pretty damn sad. Well I just watched the notebok like 10 minutes ago. Why you may ask I really dont know. Just randomly posted a poem or two in here and thought I'd comment on a poem. Hope all doesn't blow chunks. Paz!
i have to agree with the last comment...this is the sweetest thing i've read from u too. holidays getting to you? whatever it is, it's another genius write. i've read a lot of your recent pieces, but this one catches me strongest with the words you choose. you have successfully made the reader feel, through your writing, what you possibly are feeling. i've only been in love once, a long time ago, but it felt fresh and new with this poem. this psychological struggle is a hard one to frame with words...but of course, you've managed to do that with ease and with style! i love it...thank you for all your awesome works of art! you are truly the only reason i still visit elite skills...
But onto the poem... as Sethesin said, the format you have used works very well in pulling the reader onwards... it's visually pleasing to look at too.
The latest poem of mine you commented on has a very similar thread to this... of love, of being unnoticed but desiring to know how the other person in question is feeling... yet not knowing because of various things... like fear of destroying something already beautiful. I know because I have a few relationships like this... and I am fearful of the consequences. But at some point it's gonna all come spilling out... when that is, who knows?
Well that's what I got out of it and how I empathize with your situation.
Nice use of occasional true rhyme, assonance and alliteration by the way.
This is soo cool! I love the falling format of the poem. I know its a pretty obvious observation but it seems like your talking about cocaine. Only at first though. If you look deeper, your discription matches better. I can kind of relate... seeing pretty girls at school, musing about them and never mustering up enough courage to ask them out. Really cool poem man, keep it up.
Other than the format, there was nothing that stood out to me in this poem... The few descriptive words you used were overdone and you really didn't say anything new or original... If I were you, I would scrap this poem, go think up a few creative metaphors and descriptive words and start over from the ground up... Sorry if that sounds harsh, but that's just my opinion bro... In the end, it's your poem to do what you wish with...