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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Love Dustdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: LameMansTerms
    ASL Info:    36/M/Hermosa Beach, Ca
    Elite Ratio:    4.31 - 713/1012/165
    Words: 83
    Class/Type: Poetry/Sorry
    Total Views: 1249
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 754



    Description:
       I have no idea, but imagine being in love to just have it disreguarded or never even acknowledged or even worse taking it to your grave.........


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLove Dustdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Love Dust

    I try to touch you
    still
    the only thing keeping me here
    is the thought that maybe one day
    I will
    engulf your sweet
    essence
    feel like a better man in your
    presence
    no longer do my faults
    weigh
    meaningless
    idiosyncrasies
    these things no-one
    sees
    what's to become of
    me?
    I wish I could've
    stayed
    even in your
    passing breeze
    envelop me
    I've
    arrived
    a starving
    heart
    a man, his love
    forever trapped
    inside

    lamemansterms




    Submitted on 2005-12-18 22:50:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This poem is lovely. Very sad but lovely. You convey these feelings so well with your words. This poem reads with such a sincere softness and deep inner sadness that it really touches the reader. I have been here too. It sucks. Being hurt by someone you love more than anything is so hard to take. It eats at your very existance and all the questions it leaves you with go unanswered. And to look at this in another aspect of loving someone and never telling them sounds horrible. I can say I dont know that feeling fortunately but I can imagine it would really suck. Anyway, this format you used here works really well with this theme and your words are well chosen and expressed. A lovely write. Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2006-02-03 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      Hello, are you sure this is LameMansTerms? It really doesn't sound like him.

    If it is, then this is a side of him I have never seen before. A side that is very attractive.

    This was such a heartbreaking read and brought back many memories of unreturned love. It made me really sad, but also happy to see a new side to the notorious LT.

    Just wonderful my friend.

    Brightest Blessings,
    Crystal
    | Posted on 2006-01-08 00:00:00 | by lenotoire | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really something different from you.
    When I was younger I had the whole unrequited crush thing, but to actually love someone that doesn't return or even acknowledge that emotion..I can't begin to imagine it.
    This is a great write. It brings across the longing and desire, but also resignation. If she's real, I hope you don't give up just yet.
    Traci :)
    | Posted on 2005-12-29 00:00:00 | by onetruesmartass | [ Reply to This ]
      Unrequited love SUCKS! You have done a great job here, describing the internal torment of loving without it being returned.

    I like the format and the simple rhyme scheme. Even if you weren't asking for praise this little piece deserves a bit of it!!!

    Take Care,

    Chell
    | Posted on 2005-12-28 00:00:00 | by Chell | [ Reply to This ]
      this is pretty damn sad. Well I just watched the notebok like 10 minutes ago. Why you may ask I really dont know. Just randomly posted a poem or two in here and thought I'd comment on a poem. Hope all doesn't blow chunks. Paz!
    | Posted on 2005-12-28 00:00:00 | by musclebound350 | [ Reply to This ]
      this is really beautiful and melancholy..

    I wish I could've stayed, even in your passing
    breeze...

    great line.. love unrequited is so painful. this makes
    me think of a close friend who is so in love with
    someone but she cannot tell him.. ah, it's a long
    story, but a sad one..

    very well done LMT.

    peace,
    ~Cat
    | Posted on 2005-12-26 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      i have to agree with the last comment...this is the sweetest thing i've read from u too. holidays getting to you? whatever it is, it's another genius write. i've read a lot of your recent pieces, but this one catches me strongest with the words you choose. you have successfully made the reader feel, through your writing, what you possibly are feeling. i've only been in love once, a long time ago, but it felt fresh and new with this poem. this psychological struggle is a hard one to frame with words...but of course, you've managed to do that with ease and with style! i love it...thank you for all your awesome works of art! you are truly the only reason i still visit elite skills...
    | Posted on 2005-12-25 00:00:00 | by Tinasha | [ Reply to This ]
      that is actually the sweetest thing i v ever heard come from you. wat the hell is goin on their man. [censored] your getting soft. why dont you go cry or sum thin you emo fag .


    ok sorry naw but this was really good i liked it alot

    xoxo
    that girl
    | Posted on 2005-12-23 00:00:00 | by sweet sorenity | [ Reply to This ]
      Typo notice: envelop

    But onto the poem... as Sethesin said, the format you have used works very well in pulling the reader onwards... it's visually pleasing to look at too.

    The latest poem of mine you commented on has a very similar thread to this... of love, of being unnoticed but desiring to know how the other person in question is feeling... yet not knowing because of various things... like fear of destroying something already beautiful. I know because I have a few relationships like this... and I am fearful of the consequences. But at some point it's gonna all come spilling out... when that is, who knows?

    Well that's what I got out of it and how I empathize with your situation.

    Nice use of occasional true rhyme, assonance and alliteration by the way.

    Peace,

    Jase
    | Posted on 2005-12-22 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]
      This is soo cool! I love the falling format of the poem. I know its a pretty obvious observation but it seems like your talking about cocaine. Only at first though. If you look deeper, your discription matches better. I can kind of relate... seeing pretty girls at school, musing about them and never mustering up enough courage to ask them out. Really cool poem man, keep it up.

    - Sethesin
    | Posted on 2005-12-22 00:00:00 | by Sethesin | [ Reply to This ]
      Oi!

    Other than the format, there was nothing that stood out to me in this poem... The few descriptive words you used were overdone and you really didn't say anything new or original... If I were you, I would scrap this poem, go think up a few creative metaphors and descriptive words and start over from the ground up... Sorry if that sounds harsh, but that's just my opinion bro... In the end, it's your poem to do what you wish with...

    Peace,
    Meckes
    | Posted on 2006-04-17 00:00:00 | by Meckes | [ Reply to This ]


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