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Bad moods and a game of chess

Author: cannibal
ASL Info:    18/f/MO usa
Elite Ratio:    3.88 - 47 /47 /15
Words: 70
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 1037
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 437


Well me and my little sister were playing chess, my mother was in a bad mood and pissed everyone off. And our game of chess was left abandond...and i was winning for once damn it!

Bad moods and a game of chess

We got the game out
Pawns moved, queens slaughtered
She woke with her temper raving
Stomping into the room were peace dwelt she complained

Our chess game now dwells in the red room
Lonely pieces abandoned by there owners
Castles laying on there side, the pawns bloody entrails

The pieces that stand erect and ready for a fight
Have seen there last for this round

Submitted on 2005-12-19 01:08:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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4: Pretty cool
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  You're able to raise the drama of domestic arguments to its rightful pitch and very cleverly set up the mother as the piece that conquers all other pieces and players as the dictator of the land that battle is waged upon. Very well written!
Grammar-wise: you chose the wrong homonym. Replace all instances of there with 'their' - the possessive pronoun you were looking for. Most spell-checks won't catch that. Otherwise great and enjoyable poem.
| Posted on 2005-12-19 00:00:00 | by scienceyear | [ Reply to This ]
  this is really sweet in the sense that we all hate to loose and the stomping out of the room because we lost the game etc, i relate as chess is my favourite board game and i used to play alot in school...just need to punctuate to help the meter of the poem and the spelling mistakes...''were peace dwelt she complained'' where...''Have seen there last for this round'' their...but other than that this was cool and interresting for a short piece...minimalistic yet able to paint the picture perfectly
| Posted on 2005-12-19 00:00:00 | by orpheus | [ Reply to This ]

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