Bad moods and a game of chess

Author: cannibal ASL Info:    18/f/MO usa Elite Ratio:    3.88 - 47 /47 /15 Words: 70

Class/Type: Poetry /Misc Total Views: 1037 Average Vote:    No vote yet. Bytes: 437

Description:

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Bad moods and a game of chess

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We got the game out Pawns moved, queens slaughtered She woke with her temper raving Stomping into the room were peace dwelt she complained Our chess game now dwells in the red room Lonely pieces abandoned by there owners Castles laying on there side, the pawns bloody entrails The pieces that stand erect and ready for a fight Have seen there last for this round

Submitted on 2005-12-19 01:08:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments

You're able to raise the drama of domestic arguments to its rightful pitch and very cleverly set up the mother as the piece that conquers all other pieces and players as the dictator of the land that battle is waged upon. Very well written! Grammar-wise: you chose the wrong homonym. Replace all instances of there with 'their' - the possessive pronoun you were looking for. Most spell-checks won't catch that. Otherwise great and enjoyable poem.

| Posted on 2005-12-19 00:00:00 | by scienceyear | [ Reply to This ]

this is really sweet in the sense that we all hate to loose and the stomping out of the room because we lost the game etc, i relate as chess is my favourite board game and i used to play alot in school...just need to punctuate to help the meter of the poem and the spelling mistakes...''were peace dwelt she complained'' where...''Have seen there last for this round'' their...but other than that this was cool and interresting for a short piece...minimalistic yet able to paint the picture perfectly

| Posted on 2005-12-19 00:00:00 | by orpheus | [ Reply to This ]

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