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Web Eye Prism


Author: Visionary
ASL Info:    15/male/NJ
Elite Ratio:    4.31 - 20 /26 /8
Words: 115
Class/Type: Misc /Misc
Total Views: 890
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 744



Description:


this is about seeing the world through your eyes and letting them tell you what everything is like, and not thinking to perceive, and then it goes off. i rhymed the last word of the line to the first word of the next line, if you get the scheme. Not sure its already got a name, but i used it without knowing.


Web Eye Prism



The world is tragically skewed
Viewed through crimson web eyes
Cries tears of sunlight
Despite all the good
Should we shy from the bad?
Sad that we are cocooned in these webs
Trapping these images of life
Rife with the pain we have brought
Sought by the ancient dark lord
Sword ripping through the spine
Shine through the prism eyeballs
Calls of destiny echo in the cave
Save us from this touch of death
Breath of fire in our throat
Vote of Confidence, pledge of defiance
Science of pain
Is deep in my brain
Slain by the pain channeled through the eyes
The world is tragically skewed to all. But only I see it.




Submitted on 2005-12-19 13:41:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  The structure is an interesting word association ladder formation that seems to close one thought as it opens another, but the subject matter doesn't appear worthy of the vision with which you've endowed it. In other words, instead of building to a climax it devolves into ambiguity that the last line can't quite redeem. I would suggest rewriting (or revising) this within the context of the rhyme scheme you've developed. There is a gold mine of great poetry hidden in this style. Take care. Bill.
| Posted on 2005-12-19 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]


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