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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Sickness in the Raftersdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Red_reaper
    ASL Info:    14/f/inside a blueberry
    Elite Ratio:    5.94 - 143/76/20
    Words: 59
    Class/Type: Rant/Angry
    Total Views: 1055
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 413



    Description:
       Very basic, something I never really liked.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSickness in the Raftersdots
    -------------------------------------------


    People murmer and whisper
    Spreading their thoughts
    She's doomed you know
    Won't live past twenty
    So she writes all over her arms
    Piercings cover her body
    Pulls out her hairs one bye one
    Won't live past twenty

    People all die eventually
    But they try to make bodies last
    But you never know
    They might not live past 10




    Submitted on 2005-12-19 19:08:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Please accept my apologies for my misinterpretation of this piece. When I read it, I dont see that she is ill or diseased... I imagine a girl who is not afraid of life, one who takes risks and does whatever she wants, whenever she wants too. And, its the cowardly people around her who say she wont live past 20, because they cant believe how unafraid of death she is... thats how I understood it, but I realise now that this was not your intention. I still think this is a great piece, but I think if you are tackling the idea of a girl who is terminally ill, it could do with a bit more detail, a bit more depth - just to even touch on the seriousness of the subject... just my opinion. Sugar xx
    | Posted on 2005-12-30 00:00:00 | by Sugar | [ Reply to This ]
      I love that. It's different (in a good way). My favorite part is:

    "So she writes all over her arms
    Piercings cover her body
    Pulls out her hairs one bye one
    Won't live past twenty"

    The title is awesome too. That's what made me want to read it. It sounded like it would be creative, and it is. Very nicely done

    -nikkki
    | Posted on 2005-12-29 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]
      I enjoyed this, and can also relate completely! I kinda connected this piece with my poem "That Girl" - its as though we are writing about the same little minx! Check it out if you get chance - this was a great read.
    | Posted on 2005-12-27 00:00:00 | by Sugar | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked it and it felt kinda original to me. Yeah, I agree that it was a little closed, but otherwise it was really awesome. I'm adding it to my favorite's list because I can relate to it A LOT!
    | Posted on 2005-12-21 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]
      hmm it seemed a little.. closed. you know what i mean? like there was basically no room to expand on it at all. not that thats bad it just seemed...like there wasnt any need for opinion it just is what it is no more no less no imagination.
    | Posted on 2005-12-19 00:00:00 | by EEKS | [ Reply to This ]


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