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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Garden of deathdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: silent_death12
    Elite Ratio:    7.94 - 1739/805/135
    Words: 96
    Class/Type: Poetry/Sorry
    Total Views: 993
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 639



    Description:
       ok guys this is a pretty old one from last summer and I have a much better revised and longer version but I can't find them at the moment....when I do (If I do) I'll post it here too.This was one of the first ones I wrote when I started writing again for the first time in a few years and I know the rhyming is messed up cause there wasn't a scheme so just bear with me a minute.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsGarden of deathdots
    -------------------------------------------


    In the garden of life,
    where death is born,
    And anyone who comes there,
    Is causing need to mourn.
    Where wilted tulips lie,
    and the dead are grateful to die.
    Even those passing by,
    give slow death a try.
    But should you have a single fear,
    then I'd advice against coming here,
    Because you'll only fear in vain....
    fear only ever leads to pain.
    Never wonder why,
    The answer may not be a lie.
    If you come don't expect to leave...
    Know that most here exist to decieve.
    In the garden of life,
    where death grows.




    Submitted on 2005-12-19 19:33:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      In the garden of life,
    where death grows.

    i liked those lines the most because they were very contradictory. ur rhyme scheme was good, it just wasn't consistant like most of ur writes. i can't talk though. my rhyme schemes are very seldom the same throughout an entire write.
    i think this was good and it kinda reminded me like an evil mirror version of the garden of Eden
    | Posted on 2005-12-28 00:00:00 | by unknown soldier | [ Reply to This ]
      okay the subject matter of this poem is one of my favorites so i chose to respond to this one
    however i dont know if your interested in some suggestions but just for flows sake heres a few. Not to be critical i just thought the overall piece was worth the effort.
    n e ways

    And anyone who comes there,
    Is causing need to mourn.

    maybe would sound better if it was more concise
    all who come here
    have cause to mourn

    Where wilted tulips lie,
    the dead are grateful to die. (i just cut out the and)

    this is just suggestions I really loved your work here and would love to see the longer version like i said depressed ramblings are my favorites thanks
    hauntedrose
    | Posted on 2005-12-26 00:00:00 | by hauntedrose | [ Reply to This ]
      omg. that's awesome! very, very poetic and just beautiful. i love it, death growing in life's garden. it's perfect. the only thing i would think about is fear being in vain, cuz fear is like a person's best friend. you know ur alive when ur afraid of things and u can't be courageous without fears to overcome. if u fear nothing then what's brave about risking ur life. other than that this is the most beautiful thing i've ever read in my life. great write! ~Sam~
    | Posted on 2005-12-25 00:00:00 | by alittlebithippy | [ Reply to This ]
      This is so [censored] awesome. It's definately a favorite and it was so, so, so, so, so good! omg, I'm so hyper, woohoo. I'm drinking Liquor, lol, not a lot, but, I could if I wanted to, lol. Your rhyming was really great and I didn't care if it didn't have a specific rhyming pattern or not, what does it matter? Great write.
    | Posted on 2005-12-20 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]
      welll ... it is great .. i love it .. it is one of my favorites ... well .. like i told you before you are a good writer and you are growing as writer with every writing you do ...
    well...hope to hear more from yu soon !
    peace and love..
    and you know that I LOVE YOU!
    victor!
    | Posted on 2005-12-20 00:00:00 | by vitoko | [ Reply to This ]
      Beautiful. Just beautiful! I like it alot. The name fits perfectly and I really wouldn't change a thing except add more deatil. I know above in the description you said you have a longer version now but I'll post on this and give advice. I don't know maybe this would help it along more. "In the garden of life,
    where death is born,
    And anyone who comes there,
    Is causing need to mourn." These lines have to be my favorite ones from the whole poem and i would love to see you expand upon them. I hope to see more work by you and this is going to be added as one f my favorites.
    *~Krystina~*
    | Posted on 2005-12-20 00:00:00 | by takenspiritwind | [ Reply to This ]
      I loved this.

    I believe you needed your break so your could grow as a writer. I personally hope the revise was a good one because this poem sounds great like this and sometimes we can be such hard critiques and ruin something thats already good. I really don't have a favorite line, everything was right on point and flowed perfect line after line.

    great job
    l.l.collins
    | Posted on 2005-12-20 00:00:00 | by L.L.COLLINS | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a great write flrom you
    This one shows how much you are growing as awriter
    I would love to read the revised version
    Adding the rose to this write is perfect
    This was great coreography
    Great Job
    I hope you are doing much better
    I unfortunately caught a touch of bronchitis
    God Bless
    Your Friend
    Ron
    | Posted on 2005-12-19 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]


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