Disjecta Membra

Author: darkness ASL Info:    19/F/my own world Elite Ratio:    1.84 - 524 /218 /40 Words: 112

Class/Type: Poetry /Depressed Total Views: 1645 Average Vote:    No vote yet. Bytes: 878

Description:

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Disjecta Membra

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My eyes closed I fall floating through the clouds r e l a x i n g in utter bliss let life wither slip through my fingers fading..... moving in slow motion time stops. never to return Death awaits below patiantly as i fall in this moment of peace thoughts stop my problems are a blur pause I'm falling even faster now subject to gravity soul seperating from body falling I'm burning a cannonball NOW peacefully bursting to flames I'm dieing my blood and bones crying wishing I was nothing I fly to the ground and I cr..... my remains have been scattered.

Submitted on 2005-12-19 19:45:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments

I like the "my remains have been scattered" line. It fits quite nicely with, well, "going splat". There's a spelling error it's "patiently", but it's not a big deal. I don't think "peacefully" fits very well with "bursting into flames". It seems rather odd. I think my favorite part is "Let life wither / slip through my fingers / fading". It's also kind of odd to have "NOW" capitalized like that. I'd try to work it into its own line if you want it to have some kind of special significance.

| Posted on 2006-04-11 00:00:00 | by Fizzlethorpe | [ Reply to This ]

it's awesome, better each time i've read it. but, and i mean this only to help...you have got to get rid of "smack!". it is just way out of place and is a huge stain on an otherwise spotless piece of writing. i have an idea in mind, and if you're interested let me know and i'll p.m. you, otay?

| Posted on 2006-01-09 00:00:00 | by treybur | [ Reply to This ]

Cool title! Scattered remains... I'll have to remember that one. I think you corny poems are the ones that are G - O -R - G - E - O - U - S - ! h a h a h a h a h a... i think they're still hurrrr. I can hear their voices. hmmmm... did you know that your corny poems are the best. lol. whatev fooooooo... omg... BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO < Unperfect 3

| Posted on 2005-12-27 00:00:00 | by UnPerfect | [ Reply to This ]

i love how this poem gives you the feeling of falling. all the way through the poem it felt as if i was falling with you. great write. -brandon

| Posted on 2005-12-27 00:00:00 | by Leon Kennedy | [ Reply to This ]

i like this poem because i think it has a lot of meaning and depth. i like the lines 'I'm dieing, my blood and bones flying' especialy. you have a few spelling errors, but i always do to! the only thing that i didnt like about this poem is the '.....s' i HATE it when people put more than 3 full stops in a row, but thats just me. lol ---Elisa xoxo

| Posted on 2005-12-19 00:00:00 | by prittee1 | [ Reply to This ]

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