That was depressing. It left a slightly bitter taste in my mouth. Like when you watch a movie and everything about it is sad...heartwrenching, you think the ending is going to be happy, since well, everything else was without, then it turns out the whole point of the movie was to rub your face into the fact that life isn't all whistles and bells.
The one you love taking a step back and watching your life flutter away, when all they had to do was hold their hand out to you, and life would, well, be worth living. Hurt, but always caring, hoping that person will make a move, some move, that isn't movement away from.
There were some small errors(I had to retype like four things in that sentence, because I can't seem to type today) a careful read through will surely fix.
hmm. I though that in the second block the repettion of about just didn't fit. The candle in the wind part reminds me of that song. It seems like the questions made it a self help seession but poetry is meant to be a form of realease. In fact poet-tree wears a leash each branch is what we make it but if we truly want to be felt Then ironically we need to be naked. In other words your words have depth in a few breaths but others others seem cut short asthmatic. For example "The shadows showed you spirt, the levels of your flame." This line has some depth is penetrable on multiple levels. You may mean your instead of your I don't know to me that part is irrelevant The whole anallogy about light bouncing off a love making the visible this is good but that line is a bit jumbled in the wording. This seem very much in draft form, but I think you have something here to work with. The feeling of impermance is strong in this piece an excellent portrayl of this veiw point
Submission Name: In the Dark
