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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Side Mandots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: rws
    ASL Info:    57/m/ohio
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 2777/1297/258
    Words: 71
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 785
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 599



    Description:
       Based on the relationship between a passive jazz player and his alcoholic wife depicted in the play 'Side Man'.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSide Mandots
    -------------------------------------------


    A jazz man's
    angularity
    wrapped in a sad
    embrace; fit
    for the sequined
    paradigm, a smiling
    diamond disgraced.

    I've misplaced the other
    wonders, somehow,
    laid them aside
    in haste; regardless, I've
    bought you with
    the same sick
    wonder painted on
    another face.

    If you'd
    known would it
    have mattered greatly?
    Such syncophants
    drew me down, laughing
    at wondrous, little boy
    hands with my hungry
    humorless mouth.




    Submitted on 2005-12-20 07:59:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      I really love this poem. The idea of a relationship that continues to crumble because one partner can’t get anything from the other, no matter how hard they try, is very resonant. Yet, what elevated this poem even higher in my opinion was the seeming empathy you had for the woman.

    a smiling
    diamond disgraced

    From this a draw the idea of someone who was once happy and beautiful and the alcoholism had taken her unaware. I also felt this with the lines :

    If you'd
    known would it
    have mattered greatly?

    My favourite lines, though, were

    A jazz man's
    angularity
    wrapped in a sad
    embrace; fit
    for the sequined
    paradigm,

    The language and, I think, the rhythm reminded me of Langston Hughes one of my favourite poets. It was simply inspired. I loved the idea of the ‘sequined paradigm’, suggesting both the social laws and customs glossed over, as in how the viewers see her, and the wife herself, a perhaps tarty stereotype of a drunkard.
    As with all your writes it is vivid and concise, (I love how you give your writes a near even syllabic count) and the language is ornate, clever and very poetic.

    Peace, love and empathy,
    Speacenik.
    | Posted on 2006-02-16 00:00:00 | by Speacenik | [ Reply to This ]
      The way the sequined lady appears has much to do with the story here. Are we talking about the presence of a trophy wife? The way one can be married to art might foster alcoholism in a spouse, because when one creates, life can become boring in its simplicity. I didn't see the movie, or read the book, but the idea of the alcoholism being in the spouse is quite intriguing.

    I am a musician and know of so many players who fell down similar traps. But this is great work, and it expresses a great deal about life and being an artistic entity. Well done,

    peace and love,

    Nan
    | Posted on 2005-12-29 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      Hi Bill,

    Right I have to say having read this I have criticism for you! yes it's true, though you are twice the poet I'll ever be, and though even my criticism is probably a compliment in itself.

    I'm not a stupid man, I did quite well at school in English, and for what it's worth IQ tests suggest I am smarter than the average bear, though by now means am I a genius...there's no hope of me ever getting into MENSA. That said, I still had to look up 2 words in this poem.

    Now whether or not anything needs changing here depends on what you want to achieve. If you want to "reach the masses" with your words, I think you will have to acknowledge that 95% of people reading these poems just dont have your intelligence or your vocabulary...

    If however you take the viewpoint that your poems are your own and the world can do with them as they please, that you refuse to "dumb down" your poetry, then there is little left for me to say but "well done, another fine poem".

    If the latter proves true, then I can completely understand. I'd rather reach two or three people who understand poetry, rather than write something that draws 40 comments of "wow really awesome right, love it read and comment on mine please!".

    Maybe I'm the poetic snob here :o)

    Always a pleasure reading your poems though Bill.
    | Posted on 2005-12-28 00:00:00 | by Senna27NZ | [ Reply to This ]
      well after reading just one of your works i can see how and why your cooments effected me the way they did. Such an ability to analyze and describe an entire situation with really tight concise wording is rare. I loved the entire piece and am adding to my favorites.

    A last thought although for flow the first two stanzas by far the better of the three my favorite part was the last stanza. The meaning and clear sinister warning that came out for me was absolutely stunning.
    For some reason I was was reminded of the emperors new clothes nad the warning implied by that story do you think that there is a similiar theme to your poem?
    | Posted on 2005-12-26 00:00:00 | by hauntedrose | [ Reply to This ]
      Sad. A relationship that just keeps breaking.
    Really rich words, I read it twice feeling I got the full effect the second time.
    There isnt really alot to say about it, as far as the writting, you did a wonderful job.
    The breaks really added to the emotion, the short yet powerful form was perfect.
    The subject was, again, sad.
    You really gave us a look inside this life, it really makes you think.
    take care Bill,
    great write
    ~jennifer
    | Posted on 2005-12-20 00:00:00 | by joy7542 | [ Reply to This ]


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