Description: This is a piece I am currently working and reworking, so it is unfinished as of yet.
Divining the Stars -------------------------------------------
The stars are cast
along the ink black night
snowflakes glittering
glass runes shimmering
Constellations I do not recognise
so I connect and reconnect
"broken heart"
"butterfly ghost"
with imaginary lines
you call this poetry you need to spend more time on yours then critisizing real poets this is the sadest excuse of a poetry it doesnt even make sense not every thing needs to rhyme you are nothing but a hater
You have a very good poem here. See if you like this idea though.
The stars are cast along the ink black night (Let's not give the reader "stars" or "night" Let's make em figure it out!) snowflakes glittering glass runes shimmering Constellations I do not recognise (we leave in "constellations", that's their key to figure out the whole poem) so I connect and reconnect "broken heart" "butterfly ghost" with imaginary lines (love it, now for the first two lines come up with some metaphor for stars and you can keep the ink black, but skip night, and don't use sky either, that's too direct. Maybe something like "beckoning beacons on an ink black sea" that's not very good, I don't want to do it for you, just point you off in the general direction. You mentioned this is in re write so I'll watch N' wait! Dave
Heh. This is so cute. There are so many constellations out there and some share stars...maybe it is easier to make your own ones. No broken hearts, just complete ones are up in the heavens.
For the heck of it, one day i got this astronomy book and started to learn the constellations and the greek myths behind them. Its real interesting stuff. Can't really see them too well here cuz of the pollution from the city, airport, and train station. Tragic. ~Aaron
Playing connect the dots with the stars is a wonderful and calmingly spirtual pasttime that I often enjoy.
You stated in your description that the piece was not finished. I would love to see it expanded upon and given more depth. Isay that for selfish reasons. I merely would like to be captured in its mystical charms for a while longer.
i liked it. it's so subtle and beautiful. i've got nothing but love for this piece. it's something i would write on my binder so i could have the image in my head while i was bored in class.
p.s. lol @ your comment on witch's heart... witty, very witty.
Submission Name: Divining the Stars
