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    dots Submission Name: Hushdots

    Author: takenspiritwind
    ASL Info:    21/F/NH
    Elite Ratio:    4.35 - 117/95/38
    Words: 134
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 573
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 794

       I need help with a final stanza. This is the comment my Intro to Writing teacher gave me: "Return to theme of Secret!" So i need some ideas as to how to end the poem with the secret. I mean I have a few ideas but I would like just a few more. Thanks~

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Love holds the deepest of secrets best kept,
    this secret has watched as many have wept.
    To know and understand would be so great,
    to solve this mystery would be such fate.

    And fate it must be to cause so mmuch pain,
    to so many however, love is vain.
    So this secret well kept can hurt one so,
    for many this secret has caused such woe.

    Broken hearts and feelings of deep remorese,
    time and death are but of one mighty source.
    To solve a mystery so well hidden,
    but to know this secret id Forbidden!

    Time is of essence, our lives are so short,
    you search your whole life only to abort.
    So sad it is your time has run out,
    you have failed and now all others have doubt.

    Submitted on 2005-12-20 11:59:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is an interesting write
    I for one find all the Love I need in family and friends
    I have never experienced Love as in a relationship and I refuse to go looking for it
    True Love in a relationship I believe comes too you
    I liked this one thou
    This was deep and very emotional
    God Bless
    Your Friend

    I will definately take what you said on your most recent comments into effect
    Thank You
    | Posted on 2005-12-20 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      hmm...well i think that maybe you should try to end the poem with something good about love. Since the begining is something bad, maybe then that will give off some secret to those who have never loved before. hmm...well i can't really give you much of anything from my mind. I don't know hoe you were feeling when you wrote this. But it was a very good poem, and you most likely know that. Hm well hope my advice helps some.

    ~peace out~
    | Posted on 2005-12-20 00:00:00 | by cannibal | [ Reply to This ]
      I don't know about returning to the theme of secret, but I'd like to know what the secret is! have been wondering my whole life and I think it's not being afraid to be yourself and to love without expecting anything in return. how you'd put that in the poem I'm not sure but that's my two cents! I like this poem for the most part but would maybe put something specific in it and not just talk in general terms. you seem to be going around the bush but not getting inside of it. I would try to avoid the predictable rhymes too. but I'm a free verse freak, so don't mind me. do what feels best to you. Merry Christmas.
    | Posted on 2005-12-20 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]

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