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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Our Night Sky Is A Funeraldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: thetwilight
    ASL Info:    23/F/Ca
    Elite Ratio:    3.4 - 81/68/15
    Words: 165
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 882
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1152



    Description:
       Dead things so beautiful, time holds them still for us to keep.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOur Night Sky Is A Funeraldots
    -------------------------------------------


    Little girl…
    Those stars are all dead and gone
    They died long ago

    Long before,
    You were ever born

    We were wishing upon ghosts.

    And they haunt us all
    Everytime the sun sleeps…
    They haunt us all.

    Imprints can’t grant our wishes but,
    Imprints can feed us dreams.

    Our night sky is
    A funeral
    Our night sky is
    Alight
    With the fire of a billion corpses
    With the fire of a billion deaths

    Dead things so beautiful
    Time holds them still for us…
    To keep.

    Little girl
    Our world is gone and dead…
    It was once a thing so beautiful
    Time held it still for us
    To keep.

    Death can’t grant our wishes but,
    Death can feed us dreams.

    There is a tension in the heavens…
    As it births new stars
    New stars we’ll never see
    They where never meant for us…
    To keep.

    For we
    Are all
    Tucked away
    And fast
    Asleep.




    Submitted on 2005-12-20 15:22:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      *stares at screen in awe* i know it says not to say "i can relate" but wow. i cant describe how wonderful this is. this is one of the best write i have viewed in along time. ur style is amazing...this was perfect.
    -sun/justin
    | Posted on 2006-02-27 00:00:00 | by Sun | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm not sure what the kid has done to p#ss you off so much that you would dash her dreams of wishing on a star *evil cackles*. I agree with Saimi Marie about those lines, I would maybe go with
    'with the fire of uncountable sacrifice' or something of that ilk.
    As you move on to our world, in the second part the piece it becomes less clear and a bit confused for me and I'm not sure what you're saying there. in contrast to the start where it's or seems to be quite straight forward. Other than that this is another original piece that keeps you reading. Thanks.

    TTFN
    V
    | Posted on 2005-12-23 00:00:00 | by Vastmark | [ Reply to This ]
      this poem reminded me of that one scene from the lion king(one of my favorite movies)

    it would be a nice bedtime story to tell the midjets
    nice
    this is my fav part

    "There is a tension in the heavens…
    As it births new stars
    New stars we’ll never see
    They where never meant for us…
    To keep."

    Queen Darkness of the Grim Draco
    | Posted on 2005-12-20 00:00:00 | by darkness | [ Reply to This ]
      Love the line about how death can't grant us wishes, but it can feed us our dreeams. The poem was good, i liked it alot. The only problem is that there was a lot of repition throughout the poem. Also what is the difference between a billion corpes and a billion deaths? Are they two different things or are they the same?
    | Posted on 2005-12-20 00:00:00 | by Saimi Marie | [ Reply to This ]
      Death can't grant our wishes but death can feed us dreams. How true, especially nowadays. Have you ever heard those old folk tales that the stars are really the souls of our ancesters? This poem reminded me of that. Also it made me think two other things, how sleep is a waste of life sometimes, and how we always seem to miss things because we went the opposite way
    | Posted on 2005-12-20 00:00:00 | by Red_reaper | [ Reply to This ]


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