Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Waterdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: EmeraldJealousy
    Elite Ratio:    6.42 - 219/109/18
    Words: 206
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 1154
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1187



    Description:
       Ah, just in a reflective mood i suppose. i love the sea; it's so beautiful and calming. it can be gentle or harsh, slate gray or hollow blue. *sigh* such a lovely sight, unlike the emotions which rage unseen sometimes.



    it's got a nursery school rhyme scheme to it, but hey, i dig it.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWaterdots
    -------------------------------------------


    If you have only judged by what you have experienced,
    Then why do you judge me?
    You haven't tasted the salts I've tasted
    Or even seen the shores I've seen.
    The oceans I've been tossed upon
    Have caused the rifts to appear;
    Now tell me you can experience me
    Through the things that you hear.

    The waves that crashed that night abroad,
    As I listened to the whistles being blown,
    Like the sea gulls pounding against each other-
    And into another wave I was thrown.
    Now upon my ship of sturdy wood,
    You want to drift back onto my fragile sea-
    And now that I have it all to myself
    You're trying to surrender to me.

    Well throw up your battleflag in surrender!
    Let the salty breeze run through your hair;
    But as for the sparkling brilliant sunset you long for-
    This is when I won't be there.
    The last moments of your day
    Will be the most beautiful to befall; you'll see.
    And it's almost in the incandescent light of you-
    That I have found the spirit of me.




    Submitted on 2004-04-26 13:42:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      You have to read my voyage! I am adding this to my favourites. There are some poems that seem to echo the same thoughts. I love the synergy. Well written indeed.
    | Posted on 2004-05-13 00:00:00 | by Lelik | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked the poem in general.The flow was a tad bit choppy in some areas and I think this is one of those poems that would sound better rolling off your tongue without the rhyme scheme. however it made me feel as if I were out to sea.I could smell the salt in the air, refreshing feeling.
    | Posted on 2004-04-26 00:00:00 | by Broken Angel | [ Reply to This ]
      This was a good poem, though the flow seemed a bit off in places. It creates a very good image in your head a I can tell you.
    | Posted on 2004-04-26 00:00:00 | by JimweiZERO | [ Reply to This ]
      i liked the poem pretty well, it was good but i agree with a lot of the other people that made comments, the flow was a bit off although i cant really pinpoint it... i think i got most of the idea behind the poem..mostly about the part about people having no right to judge you based on what they hear..was i right?
    | Posted on 2004-04-26 00:00:00 | by mandyshay07 | [ Reply to This ]
      I came back to read this again with the new perspective that was offered in your journal.

    I gained much understanding knowing this piece is about a parent who was non-existent in your life and the credit they try to take for who you have become. She had nothing to do with the person you are and yet, has this weird notion that she does. Pitiful really.

    Maybe you should work the word "mother" into the work somewhere, possibly near the end or even in the title.
    | Posted on 2004-04-27 00:00:00 | by angela~ | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    8514

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry