Description: Ah, just in a reflective mood i suppose. i love the sea; it's so beautiful and calming. it can be gentle or harsh, slate gray or hollow blue. *sigh* such a lovely sight, unlike the emotions which rage unseen sometimes.
it's got a nursery school rhyme scheme to it, but hey, i dig it.
Water -------------------------------------------
If you have only judged by what you have experienced,
Then why do you judge me?
You haven't tasted the salts I've tasted
Or even seen the shores I've seen.
The oceans I've been tossed upon
Have caused the rifts to appear;
Now tell me you can experience me
Through the things that you hear.
The waves that crashed that night abroad,
As I listened to the whistles being blown,
Like the sea gulls pounding against each other-
And into another wave I was thrown.
Now upon my ship of sturdy wood,
You want to drift back onto my fragile sea-
And now that I have it all to myself
You're trying to surrender to me.
Well throw up your battleflag in surrender!
Let the salty breeze run through your hair;
But as for the sparkling brilliant sunset you long for-
This is when I won't be there.
The last moments of your day
Will be the most beautiful to befall; you'll see.
And it's almost in the incandescent light of you-
That I have found the spirit of me.
You have to read my voyage! I am adding this to my favourites. There are some poems that seem to echo the same thoughts. I love the synergy. Well written indeed.
I liked the poem in general.The flow was a tad bit choppy in some areas and I think this is one of those poems that would sound better rolling off your tongue without the rhyme scheme. however it made me feel as if I were out to sea.I could smell the salt in the air, refreshing feeling.
i liked the poem pretty well, it was good but i agree with a lot of the other people that made comments, the flow was a bit off although i cant really pinpoint it... i think i got most of the idea behind the poem..mostly about the part about people having no right to judge you based on what they hear..was i right?
I came back to read this again with the new perspective that was offered in your journal.
I gained much understanding knowing this piece is about a parent who was non-existent in your life and the credit they try to take for who you have become. She had nothing to do with the person you are and yet, has this weird notion that she does. Pitiful really.
Maybe you should work the word "mother" into the work somewhere, possibly near the end or even in the title.
Submission Name: Water
