Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • ES Magazine
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • Video Tutorials
  • RolePlay
  • 90% off Amazon
  • Funny Pics
    • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
    • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Descending Loverdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Meckes
    ASL Info:    18/M/NJ
    Elite Ratio:    5.66 - 137/120/37
    Words: 71
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 211
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 518



    Description:
       My version of a sucidal lover poem... It's not great, but this is still a pretty rough draft...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDescending Loverdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Bare feet balance atop the parapet
    as the winter wind sweeps
    his mind away to a time
    when paeans echoed in his mind,
    before ascetic meditations
    consumed. Love was liberated
    and his soul intact. The now
    jumbled jigsaw pieces
    painted God in his mind
    as Angels descended to dance
    in the blood, consecrating,
    making the world. And fading.
    Severed sins pull together again
    as the balcony rises overhead
    and blackness embraces




    Submitted on 2005-12-20 16:32:57     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I'm getting a feeling of sublime enlightment along with a quiet sadness. He wanted the death and he's hallucinating before death takes him. Remembering all the things that were in his life and seeing his death from above. I did enjoy this piece, it reached me on some level even though I couldn't grasp it fully. But then I would have to know the auther's mind and we can never know that.
    | Posted on 2006-04-22 00:00:00 | by beautifuldream | [ Reply to This ]
      Very solid feeling for a short work, to me it puts the reader right in place "atop the parapet
    as the winter wind sweeps his mind away". The "Bare feet" is a bonus which allows us also to feel the cold even more so.

    I had to look up the meaning of paean and so thank you for my word of the day. After consideration, I don't believe that paeans and "ascetic meditations" have to be mutually exclusive, except as herein used to describe a mindset, but then, I tend to be manic myself.

    I wonder if you might consider putting a comma after "And fading" and continuing that as the final sentence, dropping the capital "S" on "Severed"?

    I usually don't like things labeled as depressed, but I found this very good, showing talent and verbal skills that I wish to check out some more of. Do keep up the good work for the benefit of us all.

    I lost a good friend who was diagnosed too late as clinically depressed. He never got the necessary professional help. It's the only thing in my life of over 52 years which still haunts me.
    From that comes my one poem of depression.
    | Posted on 2005-12-20 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]



    Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
    5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

    [ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

    Google
     

    [ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
    [ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .
    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry
    This user has been inactive for more than 5 days.