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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Daughter of Darknessdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Toxic_Rayne
    ASL Info:    18/f/a happier place
    Elite Ratio:    4.7 - 1314/1095/162
    Words: 315
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 1381
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2151



    Description:
       Hey, I've got a great thing going on here. With my poem "Son of the Damned" and the is one, "Daughter of Darkness", will eventually become combined. Tell me what you think of that idea and my poem. Thanks.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDaughter of Darknessdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Her eyes are as black as night now
    Fingernails a shinning ebony
    Chains, spikes, studs, and black
    Reflect every bad memory
    She hates herself and all people
    She despises them all
    Especially her father
    Who gave her a broken jaw
    A child used to being picked on
    A teen used to being thrown down the stairs
    She'll go to school the very next day
    They see her, but no one cares
    A troubled teen with
    A rebelious young soul
    But hatred and pain
    Are taking its tole
    Her spirit is shattered and broken
    Her heart, her pride, is bruised and beaten down
    A confused teenage girl
    Stranded in the lost and found
    She hides away in her bedroom
    Issolates herself from society
    She doesn't want to hear all the shit they say
    She doesn't want the anxiety
    The pain inside is about to tear itself out
    It's what it's like in a world of violence
    No one ever gave a damn about her
    All she ever wanted was a moment's silence
    Instead she got rape and violence
    She asks...
    "Why should I go through this anymore?"
    Parents yell and scream at her as
    She runs upstairs and slams the door
    She wants to cry so bad but can't...she won't
    They throw her away every day
    Now no one can save her from herself
    Wanting to run away
    She cowers in front of her mirror
    Rocking back and forth with masscara bled eyes
    Repeating to herself over and over again
    "My strength never dies...never...never dies..."
    As she says this, she's unsure of her words
    They seem ironically false...surreal
    Maybe it's her
    Maybe she doesn't know how to deal
    Lost in a world where nothing's wrong
    No contradictions
    No lies, deciet, or unreal cheats
    No mistaken convictions
    Not knowing what to do anymore
    No place to go
    There's no way in Hell
    She'll let her feelings show




    Submitted on 2005-12-20 17:21:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      it was like reading a story in a poem form... neat... the reader gets a clear sense of what the writer was trying to explain that the character went thru... however, i think the words and images used could have been a little more original...
    | Posted on 2006-02-06 00:00:00 | by BreakAndFall | [ Reply to This ]
      wow this was deep, it was like a story that just kept gettin worse and it was relly sad it sucks for ppl who have to go thru that
    | Posted on 2006-01-29 00:00:00 | by scardnscared | [ Reply to This ]
      it interesting but I think I liked son of the damned better but anyway its a really good write and show great compassion and undrrstanding in what you see then write wether the inspiration came from yourself or some one you know
    | Posted on 2006-01-20 00:00:00 | by Animus Custodis | [ Reply to This ]
      A wonderful trilogy thing you have going on. Each piece fits around each other perfectly and again the emotions behind this is nothing short of amazing. A job well done. I did notice something though, reading through the piece you see it written in the third voice but therewas one line in it that was said int the first person narrative and that was "Why should I have to go throuhg this anymore?" It became evident that the persona in the piece is you, am i right or was it just a grammatical error?

    Peace,
    Jermaine.
    P.S. It should probably go without saying that i am adding it to my fav. list.
    | Posted on 2006-01-06 00:00:00 | by Flowerinbloom | [ Reply to This ]
      I like it. It's beautifully dark, and the emotions can be related to. The flow was wonderful, and the imagery was great. I'll be looking for more of your writings. Ciao.
    | Posted on 2006-01-06 00:00:00 | by BrokenAngel | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked this toxic. It was really good and i can't wait to hear them together. there were only two not so great things about this one...one you had a few typos..not a biig deal tho. and two is that you had alot better ryhme and rythem in some places then others and in a few there weren't any. but that's not that big a deal either. I could really really relate to this one and I enjoyed your wording. keep writing!
    happy holidays,
    ~silent
    | Posted on 2005-12-22 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
      hey gurl! i like this! ya some teens life can be really dramatic! when i read this it reminded me of a lifetime movie! I LOVE LIFETIME! haha! ya i went there! anyway good joB!
    ~akaila evonne~
    | Posted on 2005-12-21 00:00:00 | by iluvpoetry_1 | [ Reply to This ]
      I really liked this poem. I think of all the stuff that people say about teenagers, overdramatic, always depressed, etc. You hear it so much you start to believe it. Then there's things like this poem, and it's time to start writing that story all over again so sanity can be kept, for what reason I do not know. I liked how it would rhyme then not rhyme, helped keep the flow without making it all forced or something.
    ~Rita
    | Posted on 2005-12-20 00:00:00 | by Red_reaper | [ Reply to This ]
      I really liked this poem I lke how u have expanded formyour Son Of The Damned poem and created a new character it will be good to see how things turn outthe only thing is I htink the ending is a lil iffy and there a typo or two but I really liked this I can't wait to see what u do to bring these together

    -Logan-
    | Posted on 2005-12-20 00:00:00 | by in_my_suffering | [ Reply to This ]
      I was listening to System of a Down when I was reading this - Aerials and it seemed to fit this mood.
    I hate when children are tortured souls so young and that most of their environment has been abusive and not nurturing.
    I just want to give you a big hug.
    I think that combining the two would be a good idea and you've gotten a lot of emotion out here and that's what expression is all about.
    Darkness and light are inherent in each other - it's not always understandable but one cannot be without the other - you will find a way to take your struggles and be strengthened.
    Love,Peace,Joy~Feel,Experience,BE~~~
    tif
    | Posted on 2005-12-20 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]


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