Description: This is kind of a poetic rant... there was no intense thought and editing put into it... i just kind of was getting out some emotions.. and happened to write it in a poetry type format... anyway.. just tell me what you think.. feel... what it reminds you of... and if you have some kind of criticism i will gladly take it.. though like i said.. i didnt really slave away on it.. hah.. thankyou!
It's amazing how a life can become "frittered away by detail"
And how heroes can change from role models
To completely repulsing figures
Mere objects of abhorrence
I thought I could turn to you
Like an improved father to depend on
Much more often then my own
But my emotions were nothing to you
My time
nothing
My devotion
nothing
Now when I look at you
I feel
nothing
I'm tired of the way you treat me
I might as well stay in my own house
Being a slave to an uncaring alcoholic
Trying to put a smile on a broken woman's face
I've grown so tired of trying to make them proud
Of trying to make them notice me
Or even make you see me
Even though it be with one eye
I think I’m just not good enough for your time
I keep hoping that I'll be something more
then all of you put together
when I grow up
Grow up.... what a silly thing to say
Look at me
I am grown up
I'm one year from being an official adult
Yet I continue to follow all of your rules
To be pushed down by your faults
Your ridiculous whims of emotion
Time passes so quickly
Why am I wasting mine
trying to get a simple smile
a nod of approval
You aren't worth it
None of you are worth it
It's time to do what's right for me.
powerful, passionate, emotional. those are the words that came to nid while i read this piece. the amount of feeling you put in to this is just...wow. i am literally speechless.
But my emotions were nothing to you My time nothing My devotion nothing Now when I look at you I feel nothing
i think you could have done something better with this. the whole idea behind is classic and it doesn't get any better than this. but the last line here i think could've been written
"But my emotions were nothing to you My time nothing My devotion nothing Now when I look at you i feel nothing"
but that's just me. but it's a great write. thank you for sharing and keep it up
This is a really powerful piece with emotion that just kind of slaps you in the face - but in a good way. I enjoyed reading this, although it was breaking my heart. There was just so much heartache and anger in this, but you did a kick bum job with it. I really liked this part, it just reminded me a lot of my home: "I might as well stay in my own house Being a slave to an uncaring alcoholic Trying to put a smile on a broken woman's face I've grown so tired of trying to make them proud Of trying to make them notice me"
But my favourite part was the end:
"Why am I wasting mine trying to get a simple smile a nod of approval You aren't worth it None of you are worth it It's time to do what's right for me."
It shows that you know you need to fix things and not worry about these faulty idols. Good Luck *huggles* -Caribou-
I like the venting in this piece. I'm not sure how poetic it is but it's difinitly yours. The most important part of poetry is statement and this piece has plenty. Somebody somewhere is going through the same thing and I'm sure this piece will truly touch them.
Submission Name: Heroes Fade
