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    dots Submission Name: Silent Fogdots

    Author: auntwheezie
    ASL Info:    45/Female/Dartmouth NS
    Elite Ratio:    4.37 - 75/57/18
    Words: 155
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nature
    Total Views: 774
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1002


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSilent Fogdots

    Fog as thick as homemade pea soup
    Rising from the cold ocean.
    Slowly rolling toward the shore
    Swallowing all in its wake.
    Stillness blankets where it shrouds
    A chill like death in the air.
    A world of wonder disappears
    Never to be seen again.

    Silently we creep along
    Waves lapping at the hull.
    Peering intently all around us
    For what may be lurking there.
    Night descends. How can we tell?
    The clock is our only clue
    Of what transpires outside this world
    Of white and deafening quiet.

    A hint of sunlight far off toward shore.
    Is that a hint of blue?
    Ocean waves of cold and grey
    Are visible to us now.
    The living death of an ocean voyage
    Receding slowly with the morn.
    A glance at my watch with its calendar face
    Completes the shock of change.
    Two days have gone in the blanket of fog
    How quickly they were lost.

    Submitted on 2005-12-21 13:29:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I enjoy the feeling of this. It is a wonderful voyage through the fog.

    Slowly rolling toward the shore
    Swallowing all in its wake.
    Stillness blankets where it shrouds
    A chill like death in the air.

    The images are well portrayed.

    I like it for its surface values, tighly written with vivid pictures. I also see it as a metaphor for depression.

    We miss the passing of time any only understand it once we emerge.

    Well done!

    | Posted on 2005-12-24 00:00:00 | by beatthedrum | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a decent write, but "Fog as thick as homemade pea soup" is a cliché. I just think there are other thick, murky things that you could use that are fresher. The same goes with "blanket of fog" (It could be a straightjacket, for instance) and "a chill like death." You do a good job at setting a claustrophobic mood though, Amy
    | Posted on 2005-12-22 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      yes i agree with Ron. It was a very good write and sometimes i think that we don't care about what we are doing to our planet. there are so many things that we can do to stop all of this palution. But we sit back and watch as the big companies polute our skys, oceans and our lungs. We let ourselves be ran by the gas companies, i have always thought about what would happen if oil where to be scarese, we would all probobly riot and kill. Arg now you have me on a roll, i will be complaning about this for days now.
    Well if you can make me feel like that then you know it was a good write. Check out some of my stuff as well
    | Posted on 2005-12-21 00:00:00 | by cannibal | [ Reply to This ]
      I really enjoy this write
    I also want to thank you for sharing this
    To me this write captures a very important message
    People please wake up and realize what we as a Race are doing
    We are polluting the very beauty of the Earth
    If we dont start correcting this soon
    This beautiful World will one day disapeer
    Vey Powerful write
    God Bless

    Please if you get a chance please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    | Posted on 2005-12-21 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]

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