Silent Fog -------------------------------------------
Fog as thick as homemade pea soup
Rising from the cold ocean.
Slowly rolling toward the shore
Swallowing all in its wake.
Stillness blankets where it shrouds
A chill like death in the air.
A world of wonder disappears
Never to be seen again.
Silently we creep along
Waves lapping at the hull.
Peering intently all around us
For what may be lurking there.
Night descends. How can we tell?
The clock is our only clue
Of what transpires outside this world
Of white and deafening quiet.
A hint of sunlight far off toward shore.
Is that a hint of blue?
Ocean waves of cold and grey
Are visible to us now.
The living death of an ocean voyage
Receding slowly with the morn.
A glance at my watch with its calendar face
Completes the shock of change.
Two days have gone in the blanket of fog
How quickly they were lost.
This is a decent write, but "Fog as thick as homemade pea soup" is a cliché. I just think there are other thick, murky things that you could use that are fresher. The same goes with "blanket of fog" (It could be a straightjacket, for instance) and "a chill like death." You do a good job at setting a claustrophobic mood though, Amy
yes i agree with Ron. It was a very good write and sometimes i think that we don't care about what we are doing to our planet. there are so many things that we can do to stop all of this palution. But we sit back and watch as the big companies polute our skys, oceans and our lungs. We let ourselves be ran by the gas companies, i have always thought about what would happen if oil where to be scarese, we would all probobly riot and kill. Arg now you have me on a roll, i will be complaning about this for days now. Well if you can make me feel like that then you know it was a good write. Check out some of my stuff as well ~peace~
I really enjoy this write I also want to thank you for sharing this To me this write captures a very important message People please wake up and realize what we as a Race are doing We are polluting the very beauty of the Earth If we dont start correcting this soon This beautiful World will one day disapeer Again Vey Powerful write God Bless Ron
Please if you get a chance please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think Thank You Ron