Description: This is my first post...I was encourged by a friend to maybe share some of my work....Not really sure why I picked this one. I am thinking about sharing more..just kinda makes me nervous. I've never actually shared any of my writing.
The Heart Still Hurts the Same -------------------------------------------
How it happened or when is unclear.
Seems we lost each other along this journey.
Impossible to take back the things I've done and said.
Enemies longing to be friends once again.
We let each other drift apart and time slipped away.
We spent to much time at odds.
The times I wanted to say I'm sorry, pride shut the door
Pain and shame lead the path.
Afraid to just to say I was wrong.
Trying so hard to gain your love.
Every piece of your heart I yearned and craved.
It destroyed me.
Spent years hurting and hating.
Spent moments guilty and disgusted.
We learn from mistakes.
The heart still hurts the same.
Pride and regret are two of my closest friends and I won't have you bad-mouthing them! (lol) Seriously, however: I like the imagry you used here, especially early on in the piece.
The thing that really made me stumble was the way you chose to break it up. Most of the lines are sentences in of themselves and it gave the piece the feel of rush-hour traffic. Try to work some of these lines togeather to smooth it out.
This may be intentional, that feeling of having to bitterly force out your words in clipped comments. It clearly has that effect but goes too far there I feel.
Very nice. You truly brought out what it is to regret actions and the loss of a dear friend. I don't much like the form used, it kinda make it seem choppy, but the message is loud and clear, and that's what counts. Good job! Traci :)
this ia good writing man... i coulld just feel exactly wat you tried to bring out. the message is very clear. and somehow i can relate to it. and its good. i guess a lot of other people would relate to this as well.
Really brings the feel of regret and lost love across. 'Again' is spelled as 'agian' in the fourth line, which (for me, at least) distracts from the flow of the writing. I wouldn't use 'way' quite so much. The fifth line has "get in the way" and the seventh has "got in the way," not to mention the use of 'way' in the eighth line so soon after the seventh. Overall, however, I think it is very good.
Submission Name: The Heart Still Hurts the Same
