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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Swinging in Silencedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Meckes
    ASL Info:    18/M/NJ
    Elite Ratio:    5.66 - 137/120/37
    Words: 72
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 165
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 503



    Description:
       This was inspired by a (girl)friend's work about a little girl on a swing... I changed the little girl to a bigger girl and added a touch of eroticism... Hope you enjoy


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSwinging in Silencedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Torrents of ice greet
    lonesome thighs uncovered
    by the rush. As the
    pendulum dips and her last
    shelter lifts with the breeze,
    she is feverish. Freezing,
    burning, sweating, loving,
    loving the fall of dignity,
    of decency. And the snowflakes
    caress and she melts and
    she laughs as the tears flow.
    Into the night she cries out
    in a whisper for the lover
    swinging in blackness,
    the lover swinging in silence.




    Submitted on 2005-12-21 22:06:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Once again, you have the cold greeting naked flesh, setting our senses up for that to follow. Your "her last shelter lifts with the breeze" might easily be taken by the more imaginative of us to indicate that this lady wears no panties, and then, "loving the fall of dignity,
    of decency" pretty much sums that part of it up.

    I don't see a partner here, other than the motion and other sensations you've provided her with, yet she seems to be having a very good time. What did your girl friend think about this inspiration? As with your other work I've read, these images also become three dimentional by their motion. Very good.

    Definately erotic, I expect the fair sex to appreciate it even more than I do.
    | Posted on 2005-12-28 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmmmmmm. Very interesting. I think this could have alot more rhythm to it. Mostly, all you need to do to establish more rhythm is to separate it into stanzas. Watch:

    "Torrents of ice greet
    lonesome theighs
    uncovered by the rush"

    Just organizing the words make the reader automaticly read with rhythm. You could also change some of the words in subtle ways. Because this is about a girl on a swing, I think it really should have a definite rhythm to it, because swinging is very rhythmic. Make any pattern you want.
    I just have one question:
    Is she swinging in the freezing cold with nothing but a thin nightgown like dress? 'Cause she is totally going to catch a cold.
    | Posted on 2005-12-22 00:00:00 | by Jeniffer | [ Reply to This ]
      Eroticism aside... we all have swinging lovers...

    I think that at a certain angle... the focus of this piece... or rather... the emotional whirlpool of words center on the swinging lover... the one doing the pounding... not simply because it's what the title suggests... it's because one would wonder exactly how he feels... and all we could do is rely on the evidence wrapping... impaling and hovering over the girl...

    There is a bit of tragedy in it... isn't there? As there is in everyone of us. It's all because of the want.. the desire to be free and bound at the same time... the longing for copulation that makes life worth living and losing...

    humanity itself...

    Anway... here's to the he/she/it which swings in silence.















    Yeah.
    | Posted on 2005-12-22 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]
      Sounds as if the heart of some young girl has been 'thawed' by a mute lover whose only purpose is to swing the pendulum from innocence to experience, pain to pleasure, icy winter to ecstatic spring (or something like that). Strangely enough, this reminds me of some lines from Coleridge's 'Kublai Khan'; as the 'woman wails for her demon lover' in a pleasure dome of ice. Nicely done bit of eroticism with eerie undertones. Take care. Bill.
    | Posted on 2005-12-22 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]



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