Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • ES Magazine
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • Video Tutorials
  • RolePlay
  • 90% off Amazon
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Witherdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: girlunfettered
    Elite Ratio:    3.81 - 10/11/4
    Words: 125
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Serious
    Total Views: 308
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 687



    Description:
       A random muse - my state of mind.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWitherdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Sometimes I think I might have forgotten to feel. Hours pass by and I wait for that spark, that muse and that desire to overwhelm me again. The fragment of a memory with discoloured faces finds its way before my eyes and I cannot remember your name. You, who sat and talked of stealing the music from the morbid, I cannot remember your name.

    I suffer from the most insignificant and ordinary things in life - I stand on my toes and watch the skies split in front of my eyes. It starts with a black line that runs through my veins and reaches through the roots and high rise yellow apartments...slowly engulfing the sky.

    I shiver, I cry...but I cannot feel.




    Submitted on 2005-12-22 06:50:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      "discoloured faces finds it's way before my eyes "
    seems like it should be "its", without the '.

    "talked of the stealing the music from the morbid"
    looks like you might want to drop the first "the", or change the second "the" to "of".

    in a purely interpretable thought, the dash in the first line feels out of place. maybe try
    "spark, that muse- that desire, to overwhelm me again."
    that's pure conjecture, though.

    this may be the best one i've read from you. don't want to say yet, i'm hoping you have more to post. it reminds me of an old lyric i wrote about my own certain someone a few years ago:

    'and i'm sorry, this can't be real
    i've been a thousand indifferent people so long
    i've forgotten how to feel'

    the feeling of apathy sucks. it has the power to inspire honesty or completely kill the desire altogether. i don't think you're done yet.

    and this is a fave, it's great.
    peace out.
    | Posted on 2006-03-26 00:00:00 | by ghostknight | [ Reply to This ]
      so well written. I come away reading this with a bit of pity and fear. I empathize with the speaker. it's a kind of longing/lonliness that I feel. Your words are powerful,
    Peace,
    Minsu
    | Posted on 2006-03-05 00:00:00 | by Lee Minsu | [ Reply to This ]
      wow,so much detail in emotion.i really liked this poem(?)...it made me feel like i know where you're coming from even though i dont think i ever have(if that makes any sence?)LoL.
    this has the feeling of sensetivity and i haven't seen that kind of writing untill now.
    props to you!
    Happy holidays!
    _dancing_alone_
    | Posted on 2005-12-23 00:00:00 | by _Dancing_Alone_ | [ Reply to This ]
      hmmm...this was a very interesting piece. I liked it. I Got a little lost in there somewhere but by the end i was found. It is a very original work. When one doesn't sit and TRY to write, many wonderous things flow from the writer. This had the feeling of hope long forgotten. I liked that. Keep it up.

    Akai_Ame

    Sorry it is short. I can not think of anything to change or add. I like it just the way it is. Short yet gets emotion across to the reader.
    | Posted on 2005-12-22 00:00:00 | by Akai_Ame | [ Reply to This ]



    Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
    5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

    [ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

    Google
     

    [ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
    [ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .
    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry
    This user has been inactive for more than 5 days.