Throwin mantras at drunk girls
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Description:
I think I lost my cards and my poker face
still got some 5 dollar gambling chips sitting in my coin-bowl
seems like I have to buy a new one
they all look so expensive and mass produced
don't really want to go to the second hand shops
most of them are only pseudo antique
more like dusty garage sales in most places
sometimes you get a lucky dip though
sometimest the docks are all tied up
every pigeon hole busy and closed for the day
only here for a day
i'll catch a wave sometime soon though
make surethe foam doesn't spin my head
like it so often does
although it will always let you go up for breath
in time
if you relax and let it carry you to shore
when up and down looses its meaning
struggling makes it all worse
struggling can really
get you drowning
...
might not be much of a description
but it's what you get
still got some 5 dollar gambling chips sitting in my coin-bowl
seems like I have to buy a new one
they all look so expensive and mass produced
don't really want to go to the second hand shops
most of them are only pseudo antique
more like dusty garage sales in most places
sometimes you get a lucky dip though
sometimest the docks are all tied up
every pigeon hole busy and closed for the day
only here for a day
i'll catch a wave sometime soon though
make surethe foam doesn't spin my head
like it so often does
although it will always let you go up for breath
in time
if you relax and let it carry you to shore
when up and down looses its meaning
struggling makes it all worse
struggling can really
get you drowning
...
might not be much of a description
but it's what you get
Throwin mantras at drunk girls
Throwing mantras at drunk girls lovely lady laila lovely little goddess in lingerie and latex, with our cup-hands we talk in loud silence I'm falling badly I mean like diving into a shallow of coral reef like breakfalling down stone steps carved into a steep mountain Stumped shellshock, raving madly In our cup-folds on knees at a new altar I mean it's more like a malleable traveling kit like a setting for spontaneous deities of all and no religion swaying like herbs in a timid breeze no leaps, no sway, no flow in the breath of naked air There must be something sobering about my stench no amount of liquor or drugs can drown out I was shook Like the burnt child on two shots of absinthe anda cup full of Jagermeisster Shook by audio silence and cog play in you and me I was shook out of a delicate cage a scented and candle lit web of meats I was shook into the caves dank holes of Truth that lie in offwhite teeth rotting in carbonised cups Shook I fear I must regress into the paint that you molest Look, taste, fold my hands around a cup full of pussy Trembling, tied up, karate belt for the left wrist kung fu belt for the right wrist red and white crazy creek for the legs random rough rope in my mouth tied up in a body twist Shook, to rave like ravens in the muse of nectar nights in the house of the eagle fluttered butterfly never once mentioned in scripture just fuck for a while just fuck flickers like a blue flame in the back of memory clusters it burnt like revitalising resin of Yland Ylang and Timian, Jasmine and Orange, eucalyptus and Lemon, Rosemary and Lavender on a base of avocado oil just fuck it love seems a fading memory |
Submitted on 2005-12-22 18:57:21 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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| dude, you made the orgasm seem like a disease, this is crazy 20 fold metaphor of pussy. I am sorry I havent tended to your peices, I read them, but I always feel too lame to comment. So now I should say [censored] it and be lame. I signed up for your bloggs and I forgot my passwords, so I will have to sign up again. this poem was sweaty, i liked it. It reminded me of the fact that I live in dank hole basement and I am a dank hole, and whats really funny is that i posted a picture of a wet pussy on my profile and even bragged about it before I even posted this. weird huh? So dude, I lube reading your work, you are one trippy effin character, I am going to fav this one. What the hell did you do to all your poems? I hope that they did not disappear for good. Some of my fav. ones are no longer up. it pisses me off when people do that, erase my fav. poems. I feel so goddamn depraved. U8 I miss you dude. | Posted on 2006-06-01 00:00:00 | by screams | [ Reply to This ] | Well I really enjoyed this though I found it lost a little steam for me in the middle as it abstracted a bit. shook should be shaken gramatically but i suck at grammar I never learned it and shook as is reminds me of an expensive yoga place on the out skirt of zeeleand a strictly christian reformed town to the east. The only other nit picking detail I have is quite petty just another grammer issue just spacing of these two words "anda" cup full of Jagermeisster" i think i shook reads smother than i was shook that'd also correct the grammar, but that's just personal preference. I can't qiute grasp the rhythm in this piece as well as the first I read of yours but other than to continue the repetition of Just F |  I don't know why you seperated the it. It reads a little award and snags a bit more compared to the fluid nature of the rest of the piece. peace| Posted on 2006-05-15 00:00:00 | by shaman | [ Reply to This ] | | lovely lady Laila lovely little goddess in lingerie and latex, with our cup-hands we talk in loud silence I'm falling badly like diving into a shallow of coral reef, like breakfalling down stone steps carved into a steep mountain stumped shellshock, raving madly in our cup-folds on knees at a new altar, it's more like a malleable travelling kit like a setting for spontaneous deities of all and no religion swaying like herbs in a timid breeze, no leaps, no sway, no flow in the breath of naked air there must be something sobering about my stench no amount of liquor or drugs can drown out I was shook like the burnt child on two shots of absinthe and a cup full of Jagermeister shook by audio silence and cog-play in you and me I was shook out of a delicate cage, a scented and candle-lit web of meats I was shook into the caves, dank holes of Truth that lie in off-white teeth rotting in carbonised cups shook I fear I must regress into the paint that you molest look, taste, fold my hands around a cup full of pussy trembling, tied up, karate belt for the left wrist kung fu belt for the right wrist red and white crazy creek for the legs random rough rope in my mouth tied up in a body twist shook, to rave like ravens in the muse of nectar nights in the house of the eagle-fluttered butterfly never once mentioned in scripture just fuck for a while just fuck flickers like a blue flame in the back of memory clusters it burnt like revitalising resin of ylang ylang and timian, jasmine and orange, eucalyptus and lemon, rosemary and lavender on a base of avocado oil just fuck it love seems a fading memory Right. It's about time I gave you a comment Christian lol. Above is a revision to look at-- I brushed up on some of your typos, dropped your caps as it was haphazardly capped anyway, and put two lines between what I thought to be your strophes/ideas etc. I'm not sure if this is what you were intending but I've given you a bit to mull over. One thing I have to mention is this part: flickers like a blue flame in the back of memory clusters -- it doesn't segue right to me, both in rhythmic delivery and imagery. The transition between what's before and what's after clashes... I don't know how best to describe it. I think you could maybe add something in between to flesh this part out-- as it is, it reads out forlornly. Perhaps add brackets/parentheses around this part? Just a thought. I also took out two instances of where you had "I mean"-- taking them out does nothing to kill the rhythm I think. It's not needed in my opinion either. As for the sonics, they're really interesting. You go from quite noticeable alliteration (L's and N's and S's) then it transitions into your "shook" motif... which is a very catchy sonic hook. All the while your imagery is erotic (ok, who am I kidding here-- it's slightly depraved in a comical way, you horndog lol), talking about natural elements and martial arts (controlled aggression of a sexual kind in my eyes), and throughout this you have another motif running concurrently: herbs and aromas etc... all in all, it's very sexual in connotation and undeniable in what most readers will get out of it. The title is also quite indicative of your intentions-- mantras being conversation, the art of allure perhaps? That's what I get from it. Hmm... I'm kinda rambling. There's a lot here to perceive and I haven't told you half of what I infer from this. But I think I've told you enough. And yea, I like it... it's full of crazy energy, you psycho lol. I gotta shoot mofo. Peace, Jase | Posted on 2006-06-07 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ] | This is only the second poem of yours that i've read. I hated the first one and really dig the sh.it out of this one. I think that when i favoritize a poem that should be compliment enough...and should seem to indicate that i like it well enough to want to read it again someday. In a way it seems a sacrilege to pick it apart if you like it, and slovenly patronising to lavish praise on it. | Sorry for all that. Anyway, there is in you a liberty of expression that only the young possess. It is at once liberating and difficult to harness. That is perhaps why i did not like the other poem so much...it sort of spiralled out of control and lost its way. This poem was a delight to read, because it had that aforememtioned liberty of expression, but never lost its way. The repeated use of 'I was shook' turning into simply 'shook'...and the lines shortening toward an exhausted and complacent surrender at the end is real keen. I think that there are problems with line breaks in this poem...but i don't think that they matter, because to me...this seems like a short-form tone poem (if that makes any sense)...and should be read aloud. I'd like to see you rock this bitc.h with a microphone in front of a crowd. See now, this is interesting. Seldom have i bothered to bash a poem in a critique like i did that first one i read by you...but then, i don't hesitate to say when i really dig one like this either. Guess its not about you or me or the other guy. We are what we write. This one was a delight to read. be well, see you around, kc | Posted on 2006-02-02 00:00:00 | by twacky | [ Reply to This ] | Did she have you sprung...or what's the deal here? LOL! I know you said that if I put too much though into it I would drown... | *bubbles* Help me out here! I'M DROWNING! LMFAO! I can read out of this...in my own little mind here...that you put your guard down and fell in love with a girl that maybe wasn't worth falling in love with but the whole infactuation of her and what she supplied gave you no other choice...so here you are in love and she's not really that busy loving you...but still you hold onto this love only to find out in the end that it wasn't love just pure lust and that love can get you hurt if all you are doing is paying attention to the feelings that the person can provide but not mentally...unless of course you get a mental rush from physical pleasure...then that could make the whole situation even more dangerous...so in the end you said fck it...and put the love behind you...but bitterly. LMFAO! You REALLy got me ranting...just imagine if I was on the phone or in person sayin that stuff! LMFAO! I woulda been talking 120 mph! LOL If I am wrong...then come and rant on my page of the true meaning of this...k?! Much love! Li | Posted on 2005-12-27 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ] | |
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