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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: out with the guysdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: graeme
    ASL Info:    33/M/Maple Ridge B.C. Can
    Elite Ratio:    3.42 - 26/43/19
    Words: 416
    Class/Type: Story/Misc
    Total Views: 1145
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2300



    Description:
       Just an episode from a night out with the boys. I've never written anything from a womans perspective, and i'm not a woman, but i've seen the boys look pretty dumb.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsout with the guysdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Fred
    One night, after a few drinks with the boys, she started to look perticularily attractive. He got up from the table, straightned himself out and started on the way towards that waitress. She was friendly to all the guys but he was sure she really liked him. Those winks and the fact that his food was always hot were not just common. He knew she was into him and he was going to prove it to the boys at the table. He walked ever so smoothly towards her, one hand in his pocket and the other dangling very suavely beside him. He knew she saw him on his way and she smiled at him, beckoning him towards her. After a long walk that he could see in his head like a movie he was in front of her. With a nod and a hand coming out of his pocket to rest on her shoulder he said "Shirley, sometime we really are going to have to leave these louts and have some fun of our own. Maybe a movie and some dinner next weekend?" With a smile and a toss of her hair she responded in the most gracious way "Fred, that sounds great but right now i'm seeing someone." Fred, knowing she could not be seen dating a customer understood perfectly. He would leave her his number and the ball was rolling.

    Shirley
    One nigt while at work at the local pub Shirley thought she would die laughing. The group of regulars was there. Drinking and eating and generally making asses of themselves. They came every tuesday for the burger special, usually had too many beers and usually one or two of them ended up falling over or calling a cab. This one guy who was always flirting with her, he didn't seem to know that it was the waiteresses job to serve customers with a smile, came towards her. She had seen him get up, he almost fell over, twice. He stammered towards her, sweating, his eyes bloodshot, and when he got to her he had to rest his hand on her shoulder to keep from falling over. He looked at her chest and blurted out" Shirleyhow'boutyou'nmegograbadrinksometimesomewhereandhangout'sstuff". She could hardly keep from laughing out loud, but decided that because they were regulars she would simply tell him she was seeing someone. She was of course single, but a drunk, cheap smelly guy was not high on her list for a boyfriend.




    Submitted on 2005-12-22 20:34:57     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      it's scary, really. you point out not only the difference between thought and reality, but the definition of perception itself. i came here to return the favor of a comment but damn, this is more than i expected. shirley looked perfect in the first part, then you find out that even though she may seem to be, or even is, she's still alone and fending against all the wrong people. it's her job, i think. and that hints that she's either working her way up in life or down on her luck to have ended up there at all. poor girl. pathetic customers.

    i hope your friends are better than that, buddy.
    peace out.
    | Posted on 2006-03-20 00:00:00 | by ghostknight | [ Reply to This ]
      hahah. i liked this alot.

    its funny how man & woman see things so differently.

    pretty accurate on the womans part. i've lied to many a smelly drunk in my day.
    | Posted on 2005-12-23 00:00:00 | by lovefatal | [ Reply to This ]
      I’d like to recommend spacing the text out a little, paragraphs are a lovely thing. A small complaint would have to be the number of “he” and “she.” I understand they help clear who is doing what but I’d say there are some actions and words that are female and male based. You can also try setting up a pattern. Like he does something, then she does something as a reaction. This way, you aren’t force to actually spell out who’s doing what.

    I’m not a woman so I shouldn’t comment on how you did. To bad, I would imagine her mind would be a bit just as cold as you present it, since she is at work and looking at a drunk. I would’ve liked it if he used more profanity then she did but that’s just my own feelings on the fairer sex.

    “Louts?” maybe we’ve hung out different kinds of drunks.
    | Posted on 2005-12-23 00:00:00 | by Cloud_lion | [ Reply to This ]
      I really enjoyed the juxtaposition of perceptions, a nice way to comment on the comical side of male/female interactions...
    nice work
    | Posted on 2005-12-23 00:00:00 | by Universal | [ Reply to This ]
      This was funny. You came pretty close to what a girl would think. You observe us well. This was like two sides of the same story. I just about died laughing reading shirley's take on the whole scene. This was a great read. A couple of typos, but that did not ruin this funny story. Great job.

    Maggie
    | Posted on 2005-12-22 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]


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