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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: In Memoriamdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Ben Gunn
    Elite Ratio:    3.85 - 61/83/39
    Words: 57
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 234
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 462



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIn Memoriamdots
    -------------------------------------------


    It's like
    A death in the family -
    with neither funeral
    nor wake...

    ...but I think
    a bereavement would
    be easier
    to take.

    Instead -

    We've nowhere to
    Lay flowers, and
    No focal point
    for grieving.

    It seems that
    something has died
    between us - without
    physically leaving...



    060304




    Submitted on 2005-12-22 22:45:13     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      been there. what you have is nicely expressed, but i'd like to see more here, more into the emotions the narrator is feeling. dig deeper.

    peace, love and all that other junk,

    joe
    | Posted on 2007-04-21 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      its one of those topics that when you come to discribe, it seems so similar to one thing, but not quite the same as another, and i think that you've managed to write a complex poem, without actually making it complicated...does that sound right? definate brownie points for this one!
    | Posted on 2006-01-21 00:00:00 | by bambi144 | [ Reply to This ]
      Contrary to the other comment the last stanza feels to me like a resolution/realisation. You've captured this final thought on a situation where the individual accepts emptiness and moves on, which is why the length of the poem works so well. Cold yet poignant.
    | Posted on 2005-12-23 00:00:00 | by Universal | [ Reply to This ]
      I like what you have here, but i really think that you should add some more to the last stanza. It just seems to end, with reall no real conclusion.
    | Posted on 2005-12-23 00:00:00 | by Saimi Marie | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
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