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    dots Submission Name: A Girldots

    Author: ABrokenGirl
    ASL Info:    18/F/NY
    Elite Ratio:    0.48 - 0/2/4
    Words: 178
    Class/Type: Poetry/The pain inside
    Total Views: 1591
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1028

       This is basically how I see myself when I write

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA Girldots

    .A lonely girl sits alone,
    A pen in her hand and a book in a lap,
    She sits outside shadows in her eyes,
    She’s labeled as the ugly one for she looks like no other,
    Her body is much thicker,
    Her face is scared,
    Her hair is uncontrollable,
    With rings under her eyes and pain that never subsides she writes,
    She writes her pain and cry’s along with each stroke of pen to paper her tears drop sealing the pain she feels into her words,
    She lets her hair down her thick blonde curls sway in the wind,
    A darkened cloud comes over her and the wind begins to blow fiercely,
    She stops writing and looks up…her eyes were now as black as night but still tears run down her cheeks,
    Everyone stood and stared in awe as they realized this girl had one thing no other girl had,
    She had a beauty, a strength, a power,
    Her beauty was darkness,
    For darkness had consumed every inch of her body and had taken over everything about her.

    Submitted on 2005-12-24 00:09:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This poem seemed so sad. The one thing on this sight I like, is that I never seem to run into any bad poetry, except that one time. By the way, as you described yourself in your poem, you didn't sound ugly in the least. Weird people. I suppose that would be redifined normality, then? I liked the last five lines best.

    I think this poem was original, mostly because I haven't seen it done before. It should've been. Although I've seen poems with the same thought gone into it, I haven't seen any twisted into this.
    | Posted on 2005-12-24 00:00:00 | by Red_reaper | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this, I see what you see also, just anger when I write, I like the fact that you wrote this in a different perspective, it just livens the poem. If you would've wrote it like:

    "MY body is much thicker,
    MY face is scared,
    MY hair is uncontrollable,"

    It wouldn't have caught my attention as much or captured the emotion drawn in this piece, it is a very good write

    keep em comin'

    | Posted on 2005-12-24 00:00:00 | by vanhokinshtyl | [ Reply to This ]

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




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