forever in my heart by bluecrane

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Submission Name: forever in my heart dots

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Author:	bluecrane
ASL Info:	19/F/WASHINGTON
Elite Ratio:	3.61 - 70/83/26
Words:	94

Class/Type:	Misc/Misc
Total Views:	858
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	561

Description:
it's short i know, i posted this as my myspace bulletin just a few minutes ago, and i want people all over to help with my writers block

forever in my heart dots

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i feel like i'm drowning, but i dont know why
something inside's screaming, but outside i cry
i love him so much, and i'll fight to the death
i'd jump off a bridge, i'd give my last breath

i'll never betray him, and i'll never decieve
these are the things he needs to believe
i want him to know how much i care
he touches my heart with his hand so bare

i need him to know that i love him so
i'll fight to the death, and i'll never let go

Submitted on 2005-12-24 05:41:53 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  It looks like you are obsessed with this person. They make you happy, yet you are still in alot of pain. this was very sad and filled with a sense of you want to be saved, rescued from yourself. You want this person to love you to full degree as you love him, and you are willing to die to prove your love...wow. A very good wite.

Maggie
| Posted on 2005-12-25 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
  This is a realloy deep write
You could almost read this as a prayer to the Lord asking for forgivness
Very well done
Take Care
Your Friend
Ron
| Posted on 2005-12-24 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
  I like that. It's pretty and sad. You express the longing so powerfully. The flow ar rhythm or whatever it's called is perfect. I know exactly how you feel. Good luck with everything. Very nicely done

HappY HolidayS
-nikkki
| Posted on 2005-12-24 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]
  This was so sad... Full of longing, and love. Bittersweet might be the word I am looking for. It's so beautiful to think that someone could actually think like this, be this way. Always, though, I question in the back in my mind, exactly how ling would those thoughts last. The feelings feel the same.
For orginality, I've seem a couple poems like this before. Love is a much traveled path. That doesn't mean it isn't a good poem.
I agree it could be a little bit longer. It kinda left me stumbling at the end... I liked the rhythm, it wasn't that slippery smooth kind. More like a drum.
| Posted on 2005-12-24 00:00:00 | by Red_reaper | [ Reply to This ]
  you have a very good rhythem (not that i can spell at all. im terribly sorry)and the poem strikes at me because of that feature. it works, although the last 2 line verse could use 2 more lines. however i know how writers block works...its definetly not fun
xoxoxomuchlove-ash
| Posted on 2005-12-24 00:00:00 | by DanceADream | [ Reply to This ]

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Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3 It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.