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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Secret Moondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: KimmyMim
    Elite Ratio:    4.4 - 223/303/117
    Words: 306
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/
    Total Views: 654
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1601



    Description:
       My first public piece...no specific background...the riddles of life, perhaps. Took me most of a day to put it together...got lost in it...I'll take any criticism, constructive or otherwise...whatever you've got to give...LOL!
    Thanks!
    Kimmy


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    dotsSecret Moondots
    -------------------------------------------


    ~prelude~
    *
    Shadowed by the sun in day,
    Watching, silent there you stay.
    Darkness sends you on your way,
    gather stories as you play!
    Time will pass, cannot delay.
    Not prepared with how we'll pay.
    Quiet Knowers always pray,
    "Truth for All"...we want to say!

    *
    Oh, Secret Moon, what you have seen,
    in darkest nights and summers green?
    Tell us, show us, where you've been.
    *
    Time has altered short lived minds,
    so in the present, thoughts are blind,
    Path so narrow...hard to find.
    *
    Oh, Secret Moon, where do you go,
    in springtime mist and winter snow?
    Tell us, whisper, what you know.
    *
    Our knowledge pale to all you view,
    Voiceless, ageless, known to few.
    Same is He since Earth first grew.
    *
    Oh, Secret Moon, how you must burn
    in time and space...do you discern?
    Tell us, peaceful, what you learn.
    *
    High as mountains, climbing, steep.
    Not yet beheld, these treasures deep,
    His riddled secrets 'til now...keep.
    *
    Oh, Secret Moon, what do you hide,
    when on your lonely, midnight ride?
    Weeping, glowing as you glide.
    *
    The Ancient One will now reveal,
    What Moon has seen, that we may heal.
    His Words of Wisdom...Truth...is real.


    (inspired 2005 September)




    Submitted on 2005-12-24 11:18:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      i like the meaning of this poem, and the feeling it gives me.. im not used to reading 3 line verses, but it is quite refreshing...

    the only thing i could really suggest here is to try and use a larger variety of words...

    but anyway, keep it up, and good work!!!!
    | Posted on 2006-01-28 00:00:00 | by simi | [ Reply to This ]
      I love how you have the three lines that each rhymn. There is a mystical quality a beautiful splendor , and I feel as though I am flowing through a dream. Awesome!
    | Posted on 2005-12-24 00:00:00 | by Jerilynn | [ Reply to This ]
      this was a great write!, reminds me of the mystical ages when the mystical druids lived or were suppose to live...also brought me back to my child hood with my friends great job!
    | Posted on 2005-12-24 00:00:00 | by Draco | [ Reply to This ]
      i thought it was a mystifying topic. the line- Tell us, whisper, what you know- was really powerful. the only thing i see needing of improvement is the flow. perhapes if you used four line stanzas... i don't know, it was amazing.
    | Posted on 2005-12-24 00:00:00 | by LivingShadow | [ Reply to This ]


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