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    dots Submission Name: silhoutte of a broken dreamdots

    Author: sweet sorenity
    ASL Info:    24/f/ Ga
    Elite Ratio:    3.11 - 211/221/58
    Words: 123
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 1013
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 653


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    dotssilhoutte of a broken dreamdots

    Your hands placed gently on my hips.
    I move away as you try to serinade my lips.
    Up againt the wall as you caress my brests.
    My hand in yours as you take charge of the rest.

    You love me you say?
    Well how could that be,
    you push me away
    and play with my head constantly.

    We lay in bed my head in your lap,
    as you twist my hair in your fingers as you gently pull.
    Smoke a cigarett , then take a nap.
    You leave me so hope full.

    I love you i say .
    But how could that be.
    I push you away.
    I play with your head constantly.

    Submitted on 2005-12-24 17:38:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      i really like this poem, its really full of detail and thats something i put in most of my work...lots of DETAIL. :) it is kinda different from some of your other pieces but thats why i like reading your stuff...theres always something new. keep it up.
    | Posted on 2006-01-06 00:00:00 | by kession | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really good, very honest and pure. You seem to get yourself in compromising situations if I do say so myself. Maybe your relationship isn't necessarily based on love but maybe infatuation disguised as love? I dont know im not sure you should read into that too much all of my relationships have been like this so this is all i know.

    P.S. good write.
    | Posted on 2005-12-28 00:00:00 | by Flowerinbloom | [ Reply to This ]
      Country Girl,

    Your hands placed gently on my hips.
    I move away as you try to serinade my lips.
    Up againt the wall as you caress my brests.
    My hand in yours as you take charge of the rest

    I love that stanza. That one stanza alone keeps me interested in the poem. That is great work. Many poems I have read in my lifetime didn't have a great opening such as this peom you have. Your opening line just keep me glued to the computer. I must have read it four times.

    You love me you say?
    Well how could that be,
    you push me away
    and play with my head constantly

    This line is another favorite. It is one of those please give me more lines. Any noisy person would just go crazy to know more. I truly like this poem. Thank you for another masterpiece.
    | Posted on 2005-12-27 00:00:00 | by B-Gentle | [ Reply to This ]
      this is a great poem, i dont think the wording is too much either
    Its likie the very poem is teasing your sences aswell, always making you want more and more. and the ending is i believe the best part, irony is the greatest part of love

    | Posted on 2005-12-26 00:00:00 | by Trystam | [ Reply to This ]
      well two people who obviously at least from here aren't retarded know the deal....it is always a two way street and if ya have two /who are good looking people/and know what they want/and know how to get it///it CAN be a big head trip--unfortunately sometimes we aren't in the mood for that and would rather grow deeper with this person yet it is hard to convcince and to encourage a person who is always been a certain way-(playing with your head-)-bottom line is ---It's a 2 way street-any head games is mutual/and I know it is the little things like pulling your hair or whatever that make ya think---fuuuuck maybe I do want to love ..............................hmmmmm
    | Posted on 2005-12-26 00:00:00 | by LameMansTerms | [ Reply to This ]
      Very sexy and full of angst. Nice combination of expression with some imagery. You have good style. I'll say the same as before, the only problem I see with this poem is that it wasn't continuous.
    | Posted on 2005-12-25 00:00:00 | by Mytee | [ Reply to This ]
      there are sometimes too many words in this poem. i enjoyed the rhyming though and the sexual content. the tug and pull of you and your mate is good and the last line says it all
    | Posted on 2005-12-24 00:00:00 | by Fraser | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow this is really nice!
    I love how you expressed both sides.
    I love the description and beauty but also pain that lies in this piece..
    Truely a gem!
    | Posted on 2005-12-24 00:00:00 | by PoeticSoul666 | [ Reply to This ]

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