Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: silhoutte of a broken dreamdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: sweet sorenity
    ASL Info:    24/f/ Ga
    Elite Ratio:    3.11 - 211/221/58
    Words: 123
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 787
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 653



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotssilhoutte of a broken dreamdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Your hands placed gently on my hips.
    I move away as you try to serinade my lips.
    Up againt the wall as you caress my brests.
    My hand in yours as you take charge of the rest.

    You love me you say?
    Well how could that be,
    you push me away
    and play with my head constantly.

    We lay in bed my head in your lap,
    as you twist my hair in your fingers as you gently pull.
    Smoke a cigarett , then take a nap.
    You leave me so hope full.

    I love you i say .
    But how could that be.
    I push you away.
    I play with your head constantly.




    Submitted on 2005-12-24 17:38:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i really like this poem, its really full of detail and thats something i put in most of my work...lots of DETAIL. :) it is kinda different from some of your other pieces but thats why i like reading your stuff...theres always something new. keep it up.
    | Posted on 2006-01-06 00:00:00 | by kession | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really good, very honest and pure. You seem to get yourself in compromising situations if I do say so myself. Maybe your relationship isn't necessarily based on love but maybe infatuation disguised as love? I dont know im not sure you should read into that too much all of my relationships have been like this so this is all i know.

    Peace,
    Jermaine.
    P.S. good write.
    | Posted on 2005-12-28 00:00:00 | by Flowerinbloom | [ Reply to This ]
      Country Girl,

    Your hands placed gently on my hips.
    I move away as you try to serinade my lips.
    Up againt the wall as you caress my brests.
    My hand in yours as you take charge of the rest

    I love that stanza. That one stanza alone keeps me interested in the poem. That is great work. Many poems I have read in my lifetime didn't have a great opening such as this peom you have. Your opening line just keep me glued to the computer. I must have read it four times.

    You love me you say?
    Well how could that be,
    you push me away
    and play with my head constantly

    This line is another favorite. It is one of those please give me more lines. Any noisy person would just go crazy to know more. I truly like this poem. Thank you for another masterpiece.
    | Posted on 2005-12-27 00:00:00 | by B-Gentle | [ Reply to This ]
      this is a great poem, i dont think the wording is too much either
    Its likie the very poem is teasing your sences aswell, always making you want more and more. and the ending is i believe the best part, irony is the greatest part of love

    ~Tryst
    | Posted on 2005-12-26 00:00:00 | by Trystam | [ Reply to This ]
      well two people who obviously at least from here aren't retarded know the deal....it is always a two way street and if ya have two /who are good looking people/and know what they want/and know how to get it///it CAN be a big head trip--unfortunately sometimes we aren't in the mood for that and would rather grow deeper with this person yet it is hard to convcince and to encourage a person who is always been a certain way-(playing with your head-)-bottom line is ---It's a 2 way street-any head games is mutual/and I know it is the little things like pulling your hair or whatever that make ya think---fuuuuck maybe I do want to love ..............................hmmmmm
    lamemansterms
    | Posted on 2005-12-26 00:00:00 | by LameMansTerms | [ Reply to This ]
      Very sexy and full of angst. Nice combination of expression with some imagery. You have good style. I'll say the same as before, the only problem I see with this poem is that it wasn't continuous.
    | Posted on 2005-12-25 00:00:00 | by Mytee | [ Reply to This ]
      there are sometimes too many words in this poem. i enjoyed the rhyming though and the sexual content. the tug and pull of you and your mate is good and the last line says it all
    | Posted on 2005-12-24 00:00:00 | by Fraser | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow this is really nice!
    I love how you expressed both sides.
    I love the description and beauty but also pain that lies in this piece..
    Truely a gem!
    .Amber.
    | Posted on 2005-12-24 00:00:00 | by PoeticSoul666 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    85558

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    The World written by jjd
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Carry written by saartha
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Records I written by Raphael
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    Angel Eyes written by poetotoe
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    Shi written by ShyOne
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry