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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: kiss it awaydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Numb
    ASL Info:    17/f/cali
    Elite Ratio:    3.2 - 113/195/22
    Words: 174
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 938
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1059



    Description:
       hmmm...self explanitory really. definately a new one...about david...but still showing a hint of past pain....
    its not my usual preferance of dark...but oh well...sometime soon :)


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotskiss it awaydots
    -------------------------------------------


    kiss away the ache i feel
    make it seem unreal
    take me from this place i hate
    i will follow you my bate
    stabbed through the heart
    making it so it wont start
    people along the way
    twisted it to make me pay
    kiss away the ache i feel
    make it seem less real
    wanting to touch your face
    to be together in some place
    keep me safe here
    reflect the good in my mirror
    together we do fall
    on the pins and needles of it all
    kiss away the ache i feel
    make it seem not so real
    always stay with me
    for never your side will i flee
    rejected by all
    divided we fall
    my love for you
    remember its true
    kiss away the ache i feel
    make it seem real
    but Im hurting
    while were flirting
    the cravings are back
    and me do they attack
    hold me up in one arm
    while the other keeps me from all harm
    kiss away the ache i feel
    please make it seem unreal.




    Submitted on 2005-12-25 22:09:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Once again, david's issues are turning you into a poet...

    This is really beautiful and it flowed really well... even though it IS about david... I like it...

    CAH
    | Posted on 2006-02-17 00:00:00 | by bloody_carebear | [ Reply to This ]
      I totally agree with Devrath. I love the poem. It's smooth, beautiful... It's really good. David's issues ARE turning you into a poet. But, just one question... Where's the poem about me?? lol, j/p. **lovez**

    Always,
    Dark Ainjul
    | Posted on 2006-01-18 00:00:00 | by Ashleigh Mari | [ Reply to This ]
      I really liked how this poem flowed. I loved how you incorporated the title in your poem more than once. I interpreted this poem as you aer madly in love with this guy and he doesn't love you back. I am in the same situation with a guy named sam, so you're no alone. Write again soon!
    | Posted on 2006-01-09 00:00:00 | by alcoholcaust | [ Reply to This ]
      
    you have moving and powerfull words
    ever think about writing free verse? because the rhyme is good, but i would love to read your work without the limititations of a ryhming poem..
    see i would have liked to read the
    "to be together in some place"
    specified, or described, would you want to be together with him at a Mcdonalds? well haha i take it back...he does seem lovely so even that wouldnt be so bad?

    anyways
    kudos, i enjoyed this!
    -Halston
    | Posted on 2005-12-26 00:00:00 | by Halston | [ Reply to This ]
      that was a good one.
    Consistent, smooth and touching. You DO love this guy dont you?
    does the idiot know this?
    if he doesn't know, don't let him.
    His longing is turning you into a poet. Anyeays,
    lets move to the poem now..
    the only thing you could edit is the usage of 'flirting' and 'craving'...you know it is making the poem seem carnal. Yeah it might be, but there are always softer and better sounding words you know..
    keep up the good work
    -devrath
    | Posted on 2005-12-26 00:00:00 | by Devrath | [ Reply to This ]


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