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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Miss Takendots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Jerilynn
    ASL Info:    59, woman, U.S.A.
    Elite Ratio:    3.53 - 68/66/20
    Words: 193
    Class/Type: Poetry/Satire
    Total Views: 1149
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1483



    Description:
       This could be a hit or a miss, what do you think?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMiss Takendots
    -------------------------------------------


    Miss Taken came to town
    Bringing with her
    Fallacies she greatly believed,
    Insisting others
    See her point of view.

    It made her angry
    When no one listened.
    She had learned all she knew
    From her best friends,
    Miss Conception and
    Miss Fortune
    They knew it all,
    And shared with
    One everyone
    Whether they wanted it
    Or not.

    They hung out together
    And they became popular
    With a certain crowd.
    They soon had many
    Other followers.
    One of their favorites
    Was Miss Guided,
    She hung on
    To their every word
    Savoring them
    Like precious jewels.

    She dedicated herself
    To following
    Where ever they led,
    Bringing along
    Her little sisters,
    Miss Creant and
    Miss Direction.

    They all boarded
    The cruise ship ‘Catastrophe'
    Bound for nowhere.


    When they were
    Many miles from shore,
    Their course set,
    And there was
    No turning back,
    The mishap occurred.
    There was no help for it.
    To many mistakes
    Were made
    Using to much
    Miss information,
    From to many misalliances
    With misguided miscreants,
    And they were sunk.
    To bad.









    Submitted on 2005-12-26 13:05:44     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is delightful! I think I have dated some of these "Misses"!
    | Posted on 2008-02-10 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
      Very interesting, i like the characters. The main point comes through very nicely. Good Job
    Some of the lines need to be lengthened though to simplify tge meaning to the people reading the poem
    | Posted on 2006-01-11 00:00:00 | by Tabbie Kat | [ Reply to This ]
      Great idea here.
    Although
    Greatly visible
    To
    Me were the disconect
    Ed
    Thoughts that were separated
    And the remainder of one
    Was finished
    In another
    Line using a capital where
    One was not
    Needed

    Reading might be much easier when lines contain more thought, making less lines and keeping us on track. Just a thought!
    The message contained a very well needed lesson in life, the friends your personality cuddles up to!
    I've met many who had their noses pointed upwards from Miss Guided and Miss Conception.
    I liked this because it reminds us to be prudent in our daily life about our actions effecting others, we just might lead another onto the boat 'Catastrophe'.
    | Posted on 2006-01-02 00:00:00 | by Clayton | [ Reply to This ]
      LOLOL! Jerilynn! Ditto previous comment. I just love the clever thought pattern put into this piece. It's like we could all hold each of those titles at one point or another in our life times! (I'm horrible with bad critiques...will I be spoken to about it?) Kimmy
    | Posted on 2005-12-26 00:00:00 | by KimmyMim | [ Reply to This ]
      Hi Jeri.

    This was highly original and superbly crafted. I really like this kind of originality and your write really was top class. Very well done to for creating such a piece of writing.
    | Posted on 2005-12-26 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]
      this is a very clever piece. i like all the Misses, nicely done. but then in the last stanza i feel like it breaks down because they become just words and not characters anymore. i also think that you could personify these words/characters more than just giving them names/titles.

    but like i said, it's very clever and i like it a great deal. it makes a statement, but it's not at all cliché. i do love that about it.
    | Posted on 2005-12-26 00:00:00 | by colerinja | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    85665

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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