[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Losing Kieferdots

    Author: Side of Keen
    ASL Info:    43/F/Middle of the US
    Elite Ratio:    3.51 - 21/23/5
    Words: 100
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 596
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 646

       I posted this in another form on another website and got such great feedback that I think the new version is much improved. Would appreciate any further help.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLosing Kieferdots

    There must be more to living than dying.
    More than clocks on walls and
    The beat of my heart...
    Listen, it sounds all wrong,
    Like broken pieces falling away.

    I close my eyes and you are here-
    A scent, a tiny hand against my cheek,
    A memory worn thin from too much handling.

    Time blows through me-
    Winter wind through broken windows.
    It moans and whispers in the
    Empty corners of me.

    I wake, I sleep,
    I hear clocks ticking.
    They keep cadence with my heart,
    My new mantra,
    There must be more to living than dying.

    Submitted on 2005-12-27 14:25:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Wow, this is really great, it's not like anything I've read before, though it made me think of Thorton Wilder's "Our Town" because of the whole clock's ticking thing. ANYWAY, this was wonderful and I think anyone who has lost a loved one can relate, not entirely since every loss is different, but still. Wonderful. Fabulous. Keep writing.
    | Posted on 2005-12-31 00:00:00 | by fabulousAMY | [ Reply to This ]
      You have a fine look at things. The stanza beginning "Time blows..." is excellent - as is the whole poem. I will look for your work in the future.
    | Posted on 2005-12-28 00:00:00 | by my shadow | [ Reply to This ]
      i like this because its not something ive heard before and i dont care what th message might be as long as its a new one to be honest. however on the plus side i actually understood (i think) and appreciated this...so i really liked it.
    | Posted on 2005-12-27 00:00:00 | by EEKS | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow! Ilove this you description makes me feel this. Love the line "there must be something more to living than dying" because it is very true. Love the repetion of the word broken.
    | Posted on 2005-12-27 00:00:00 | by Saimi Marie | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    The World written by jjd
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Dream written by closetpoet
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Carry written by saartha
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    prison written by ShyOne
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]