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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Losing Kieferdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Side of Keen
    ASL Info:    43/F/Middle of the US
    Elite Ratio:    3.51 - 21/23/5
    Words: 100
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 616
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 646



    Description:
       I posted this in another form on another website and got such great feedback that I think the new version is much improved. Would appreciate any further help.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLosing Kieferdots
    -------------------------------------------


    There must be more to living than dying.
    More than clocks on walls and
    The beat of my heart...
    Listen, it sounds all wrong,
    Like broken pieces falling away.

    I close my eyes and you are here-
    A scent, a tiny hand against my cheek,
    A memory worn thin from too much handling.

    Time blows through me-
    Winter wind through broken windows.
    It moans and whispers in the
    Empty corners of me.

    I wake, I sleep,
    I hear clocks ticking.
    They keep cadence with my heart,
    My new mantra,
    There must be more to living than dying.




    Submitted on 2005-12-27 14:25:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Wow, this is really great, it's not like anything I've read before, though it made me think of Thorton Wilder's "Our Town" because of the whole clock's ticking thing. ANYWAY, this was wonderful and I think anyone who has lost a loved one can relate, not entirely since every loss is different, but still. Wonderful. Fabulous. Keep writing.
    | Posted on 2005-12-31 00:00:00 | by fabulousAMY | [ Reply to This ]
      You have a fine look at things. The stanza beginning "Time blows..." is excellent - as is the whole poem. I will look for your work in the future.
    | Posted on 2005-12-28 00:00:00 | by my shadow | [ Reply to This ]
      i like this because its not something ive heard before and i dont care what th message might be as long as its a new one to be honest. however on the plus side i actually understood (i think) and appreciated this...so i really liked it.
    | Posted on 2005-12-27 00:00:00 | by EEKS | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow! Ilove this you description makes me feel this. Love the line "there must be something more to living than dying" because it is very true. Love the repetion of the word broken.
    | Posted on 2005-12-27 00:00:00 | by Saimi Marie | [ Reply to This ]


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