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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: keeping count of wordsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: etheariac
    ASL Info:    17/f/NC
    Elite Ratio:    3.5 - 75/91/36
    Words: 132
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 197
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1009



    Description:
       this poem is about flirtation- being shy, i never have been great at following up on them, it can almost drive you crazy


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotskeeping count of wordsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    My rib cage craves bigger breaths-
    quick glances kill my arteries.

    maybe we could make something out of this
    nothing,

    one day.

    cute kids are treacherous-
    We won't speak.

    tell lies
    sharp looks
    tear out hearts-

    Our arrows with direction.

    If these flirtations
    don't manifest to something more
    i'll live hormonally ingratiated,
    deprived and wartorn sexually...

    Yet these words despite their meaning,
    these are empty words to me...

    these are limericks

    these are TV screens

    it's the shiny things,
    they stay
    so impeccably addictive and
    i shouldnt have started this
    in the first place.

    One day,
    when the evening is not so twisted...
    i'll speak to him
    to finish this,
    to begin it,
    once and for all.




    Submitted on 2005-12-27 23:34:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is delightful. As you know, I mostly write rhyme, but that doesn't prevent me enjoying free verse, and I loved the staccato feel of this one, with the constant tiny paradoxes and contadictions.

    This is as close to perfect as you can get, and i sure don't say that lightly. It's not often I can't find a thing to suggest.

    Excellent!

    be happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2006-06-08 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      I thought this was very good. and I understood it perfectly. but then I am like you and can relate to it. I also like free verse more than rhyming poetry so it appeals to me a great deal. I don't think it sounds mechanical. I think it flows along just as intended and is easy to read. detractors abound. keep it as it is. it's good.
    | Posted on 2005-12-28 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]
      poor choice of subject for serious poetry.
    Though the visualization is better than what is actually written, the poem is far too mechanical for anyone to understand it.
    -devrath
    | Posted on 2005-12-28 00:00:00 | by Devrath | [ Reply to This ]



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