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    dots Submission Name: Miadots

    Author: mara
    Elite Ratio:    6.38 - 65/74/20
    Words: 173
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1154
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1801

       Never struggled with "Mia" or "Ana." But who doesn't know girls who have?

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    She’s come around again,
    to burrow her dull claws
    into my heaving gorge.

    I revoke and recant you
    In a catechism played
    by swollen fingers on yielding flesh.
    Cursing the body that hangs, abused,
    On my unrelentingly static frame—
    with a whispered song in my fevered marrow—


    With my nose so close to the
    eye of the storm,
    My palms against freezing porcelain,
    As I deny and defy
    —my only friend—
    in a temple that smells of soap and shit.
    Spewing my innards into
    a septic mezzocyclonic storm.

    I am not you—I am not you—I am not you—
    fat girl
    Smirking as I pat my thinning waist—

    I am not you—I am not you—I am not you—
    Chanting songs of fate and freedom
    As my soul dissolves in stomach acid.

    (Final ablutions done in a scummy sink,
    to the cold and congealing breath of—)

                   the putridly congealing breath of—

    Submitted on 2005-12-28 04:06:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      An interesting write, I felt this was an interesting euphemism on a not so nice topic. And for your creative I most definitely give you a thumbs up and a kudos and I must also thank you for adding a new word to my vocabulary.

    The word was ablution, at first sight it looked very weird like a typo or whatever and I might have thought you meant to put absolution or something but with a simple type in an online dictionary I found out it was an actual word.
    Anway, I sure you don't care of my rant but rather my comment.

    Like I said it was an interesting write and I enjoyed it because of its uniqueness dispite the fact that is a not so nice topic. Keep up the good work and have a blessed and most wonderful day and God bless. Thanks so much for sharing.
    | Posted on 2006-04-24 00:00:00 | by Departed One | [ Reply to This ]
      Just reading through the other comments it's impossible not to be struck by the amount of compliments, and they're very much deserved.

    It's very dark and raw and Bulimia, and it's complex emotional minefield, make a really interesting subject. Like so much of modern art the poem turns a spotlight on human darkness; where we're at are most vulnerable, basic, and powerful. haha sorry for that pretentious bollocks.

    As has been said it's very well written and I like the way the structure wastes away and thins out as the poem ends, as the strong voice is replaced by a weaker, seemingly resigned one. The rage has passed and now there's just bitter feelings and bitter taste.

    I also really liked "I am not you—I am not you—I am not you — fat girl", the desperate repitition and the snarling tone of the italics.

    As for criticism, I don't really have any, apart from that the repitition of the word "storm" in stanza three doesn't really seem to add anything and so using it twice, especially to end lines, seems a bit dull. But then again both times it's used very effectively, so feel free to ignore my suggestion as just a pedant clutching at straws.

    Overall a brilliant write, thanks for sharing it.

    | Posted on 2005-12-28 00:00:00 | by Icarus | [ Reply to This ]
      this was really well writen. I love the form & the way you wrote it.
    It flowed well & you made it so that the emotions really built up in it.

    To look in the mirror & say that you are the perfect size is very rare indeed.
    I have been told that I am skinny though when I look in the mirror I think of places where I wish I was smaller.
    Its so hard to be happy with yourself but some girls just take it over the top..
    they make themselves into something totally different & hurt themselves to get to a place that the world calls perfect.

    Its so sad.
    You did a wonderful job on this- you really wrote out the raw emotions.
    For someone who hasnt had a problem with it you really got into the readers shoes well.
    A sad subject yet you wrote it beautifully. Really made an impact on me.
    take care
    | Posted on 2005-12-28 00:00:00 | by joy7542 | [ Reply to This ]
      this is amazing- i only got the bulimia vibe bout half way through the poem (oops) so i had to go right back and read it again. i sounds great even if you try a get all analytical and get a meaning out of it that really is soumthing to do with two girls. its always goin to sound good even if you totally get the wrong meaning cause its so fluent and artfully written. i think this will definatly touch a nerve with a lot of people who've been there, done that. i find i hard to believe you never have cause this is so real and just gets to the ehart of what a girl might feel. i guess its just a tribute to your formidable talent. great write, keep it up
    sarah xxx
    | Posted on 2005-12-28 00:00:00 | by _ybutterfly | [ Reply to This ]
      wow I like it a lot... however every now and then your flow gets slightly of here and there but oh well. I really enjoyed the poem. It was rather alluring (sry my spelling sucks) I didn't see any gramical errors or anything not like I'd be able to find them anyways...lol... any ways keep up the good work! I look forward to reading more posts
    | Posted on 2005-12-28 00:00:00 | by Devils Angel | [ Reply to This ]
      I got something entirely different from this than altered life. To me this talks of a girl with confidence issues due to her weight and she has developed bulemia to help her fight the weight.

    I just want to run through this as i see it. The 1st stanza talks of how she knows this is going to happen. She's going to stick her hand up her mouth and vomit "the fat" all out. You wonderfully describe this. There is a sense that the writer knows this is wrong, by refering to the hand as claws and burrow meaning to really dig deep. On the otherhand you have heaving gorge...meaning that the person filled to the brim bursting at the seams and yet there is gluttony and a sense of overeating... very well done here.

    the second stanza talks of the person actually trying to fight doing this to herself. She's so firm in her beliefs... then you say Mia. I think Mia is the girl battling with the weight.

    Then you go into such a wonderfully describe scene of the actually vomiting taking place. This is a very literal poem... I suppose one can see it as metaphoric, but i think you wrote it to be taken literally. You use mezzo here as an adverb, so i think you should seperate the "mezzo cyclonic". One really gets a very vivid visual of the this girl, with her head in the loo, hands on the rim and the smell of disinfectant and sh!t and and...

    Then after, I get the image of a girl standing infront of the mirror. it is however the insecure girl speaking. the one that can't deal with the fact that she might be a little over weight. it's like two identities sharing a body...

    Finally the girl washes her hands, perhaps her mouth too... perhaps her whole body, since the word ablution is suggestive of a ritual cleansing that involves the hands and even the body... it's like you are saying this is some kind of ritual, which means something precisely done in the same way always.

    then that last verse says it all... the mouth gives of a disgustingly foul smell that's thick... common after vomiting.

    I hope my interpretation was somewhere correct and I hope that you find this comment useful.

    Great write.
    | Posted on 2005-12-28 00:00:00 | by K | [ Reply to This ]
      Sarah, are you talking about those friendships between females that turn slightly possessive... and sexual? It sounds one-sided - but I definitely get this vibe... and I know that it's a common 'experimentation phase' with teenage females - but you know, I could be a gazillion miles off base here lol.

    Why do I have this assumption or feeling? Well, you state this 'fat girl' with abhorrence... there's this overwhelming sensation of 'get away!' screaming from this piece - the first and second stanzas are like feelings of being trapped and wanting to fight free.

    Yet you state she's your 'only friend' - so this makes me wonder a lot. 'Soap and sh.it' - cleanliness and dirtiness - this piece is like you've just thrown up or something.

    I dunno, I'm just blabbing. I'm not gonna offer anything constructive - just what this made me think of.

    Very weird lol. Well-written though.


    P.S. I just read this again because I knew it was something else... just read K's comment and went 'duh' lol - yea, it's pretty obvious now - I don't know why I didn't see it before... it was totally literal - I think I was seeing it in a metaphoric vein. Excuse me, I feel like a dipsh.it now. Hahahah!
    | Posted on 2005-12-28 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]

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