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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Winter Thoughts On Treesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: beatthedrum
    ASL Info:    55- F - Southern CA USA
    Elite Ratio:    4.18 - 881/810/122
    Words: 143
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 976
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 981



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWinter Thoughts On Treesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    1)
    The Party Is Over

    Our trees were serious celebrants.

    They pranced in pompous festive garb, dancing with the wind late in the season until exhaustion overtook them.

    In the end, they dropped their clothes and fell asleep where they stood.


    2)
    Christmas Tree Empathy

    She looked at the discarded tree
    lying by the walk.
    She cried
    from a deep sadness
    inside her understanding.

    It had been beautiful,
    full height but still young.
    It was cut away
    from its family,
    taken in and kept warm.

    He spent a small fortune
    decorating it for show,
    but when his pleasure ended,
    it was tossed nearly naked
    into the snow.

    She cries because
    she knows how that feels.




    Submitted on 2005-12-28 07:42:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      The first stanza is really cool, I love the metaphor and how your mind works always interests me. The thing to remember is that the trees renew every year, it's the seasons. Sometimes I wonder if they will survive the ice in KC.

    Second stanza to me relfects how we can be status symbols or trophies, when all that relationships really seek to teach is how to love ourselves and then someone else. We've all been trophies, I think in one way or another. If love leaves and we are nothing, we've got work to do on ourselves..
    that's been keeping me really busy lately!

    One thing about trees though, ....
    they get to tear up the wind
    all the time!!!

    Great job with this, but maybe I could get a gig in a crappie bed?

    Love and light,

    Nan
    | Posted on 2005-12-30 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      Gosh. When I started reading this, I thought it was good. When I read the last two lines, I thought it was excellent! What a poignant ending. Just fabulous. I very much favour writings about nature, particularly trees. You managed to blend this with such emphatic emotion.

    "but when his pleasure ended,
    it was tossed nearly naked
    into the snow."

    The way you strip the girl of all dignity here is so sensitive, yet bitter and sad. The injection of coldness is also effective ("snow").

    A really fantastic write. Love it.
    In fact I feel almost obliged to add it to my favourites. Best of the season so far.
    Best Wishes
    NM
    | Posted on 2005-12-29 00:00:00 | by Natalia Murray | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow very well written..very sad and powerful...the end really packs a punch and leaves you thinking..i loved it!...and i know i should leave more than a compliment but there isnt anything else to be said...lol...stormy
    | Posted on 2005-12-28 00:00:00 | by stormyskies | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like your similes in these two poems...the first, with trees dressed for dancing then sleeping naked, is very neat (clever/witty)

    The image of the Christmas tree , like a woman stripped of her finery and discarded in the cold is so vivid...Christmas trees always look abandoned after Jan 6th, and you have expressed empathy for their sad fate with very few words...this is a sad reflection on our ''throw away' society as well as the picture of an abandoned lover...
    I do like your intelligent poetry Chrystine
    | Posted on 2005-12-28 00:00:00 | by ertha | [ Reply to This ]
      *claps hands* lovely, just lovely.

    ~i really like your style. i've got to tell you though, the second one is my favorite and it almost made me cry. (*mutters* stupid tree, knowing how i feel.) great job in capturing the spirit of rejection / loneliness.
    you've done an awesome job on both of these and i think i'm going to add it to my favorites. good job and keep writing!

    -jess
    | Posted on 2005-12-28 00:00:00 | by wildchild | [ Reply to This ]
      i could relate to the last lines here, that feeling of being used and then tossed aside
    when you've served your purpose..

    i love the empathy she shows for the Christmas tree, doing its job for decoration and
    when the time has passed, it's forgotten and
    put out with the garbage. we have a live tree
    this year that we'll plant outside soon.

    melancholy piece, Chrystine. very well done.

    peace,
    ~Cat
    | Posted on 2005-12-28 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      Ya know...I was having these exact same thoughts this weekend as I took my sisters tree from her house and dumped it. It felt so wrong yet it was something that needed to be done. I think this was a very good write Chrystine and your images and emotions in it were well stated and came across in a unique way. Cool beans maynard!
    | Posted on 2005-12-28 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked the caring and sensitivity in this poem and it was arranged well and flowed well. One should take solace in the fact that nearly all Christmas trees are now grown on tree farms for that express reason and are not torn out of the forest. The whole industry provides opportunities for people to make a living and can be compared to a vase full of flowers on the dinning room table. Nontheless this poem was well written and I enjoyed the read. Dan
    | Posted on 2005-12-28 00:00:00 | by dmm | [ Reply to This ]
      i like this, especially the first bit... very clever piece.

    "Our trees were serious celebrants.

    They pranced in pompous festive garb, dancing with the wind late in the season until exhaustion overtook them.

    In the end, they dropped their clothes and fell asleep where they stood."

    imonna fav this, definitely..
    lovely work.

    cheers!
    mud
    | Posted on 2005-12-28 00:00:00 | by Mud | [ Reply to This ]
      wow. this was not what I expected but much more full of meaning. nice work. comparing Christmas trees to women discarded. I like it. maybe will have to think on this further and make it a favorite! excellent job.
    | Posted on 2005-12-28 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]
      
    Hi Drum!

    Firstly, I would like to thank you for this piece "Winter Thoughts On Trees". Honestly, I prefer to read something challenging; with a deep poetic approach. Wow! I can feel this:

    Our trees were serious celebrants.

    They pranced in pompous festive garb, dancing with the wind late in the season until exhaustion overtook them.

    This actually reveals your imagery and usage of personification (which I love most).

    I`m truly in love with these. Anyway, I`ve submitted a piece called "Soiled Faces of Women". Have a look at it.

    One love, Poets Souls!
    Teboho
    | Posted on 2006-02-12 00:00:00 | by Teboho Mochaoa | [ Reply to This ]


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