[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Ice (Cold & Heartless)dots

    Author: ForsakenAngel
    ASL Info:    19/F/Arkansas
    Elite Ratio:    6.37 - 147/73/18
    Words: 161
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 705
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 795


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIce (Cold & Heartless)dots

    Ice can melt,
    it can be broken in two,
    but it can shatter too...

    Ice shatters too...

    When it shatters,
    you can never pick up all the pieces...
    One is always missing.

    Everytime the ice shatters,
    with each missing piece...
    a part of its' soul is lost.

    My heart is the ice,
    in shatters...
    never complete.

    No matter how many times I try,
    picking up the pieces and going on with life..
    I am never the same...
    a part of me dies inside.

    Some title me cold and heartless,
    but they don't know...
    my ice can shatter too.

    Submitted on 2005-12-28 15:21:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      it was different seeing someone comparing their heart to ice, you really stressed throughout this whole poem that it can shatter, but out of your 6 stanzas all but one have the word, I kinda of feel that you are over using it, be creative but something different, yes shatter is a very powerful word but broke, destroy, splinter, smashed, broken, busted, devastated, traumatized, are words that mean the same thing, granted you could just tell me to f-off and that it is your poem and you won't change but is just my idea, it seems over used, one other thing that bothered me you say

    "Ice can melt" and then in a different stanza you say

    "When it shatters,
    you can never pick up all the pieces...
    One is always missing."

    if it's ice and melts wouldn't all the tiny pieces be missing not just one?? I'm sorry but when things are illogical in poems it bothers me.

    Now it is a good piece, I do believe that there are things that could be improved upon, but I got the very strong image of someone having to pick themselves up a lot.

    | Posted on 2006-11-14 00:00:00 | by Fadingperson | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow. I like how you use ice as an example of your heart. This was very clever. Here's my fave stanza:

    Everytime the ice shatters,
    with each missing piece...
    a part of its' soul is lost.

    Ahh...so very true. I really like this piece and the way you write i think i might check out more of your work. Great write and keep going!

    | Posted on 2005-12-28 00:00:00 | by _NowOrNever_ | [ Reply to This ]
      that [censored] is pretty cool...comparing ice to your heart...I know your not cold, or heartless...atleast not toward me..thats all I really care about...:)... I'm gonna keep reading your stuff...I"m creating some hopes for a collaboration...and I hope that you are interested
    | Posted on 2006-06-26 00:00:00 | by maninthemirror | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Wavelength written by saartha
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Every..... written by jackz
    Bond written by saartha
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    written by Daniel Barlow
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    AI written by poetotoe
    Push written by JanePlane
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Estranged / Shocks written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    Happy Saint Patrick's Day written by poetotoe
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    written by Daniel Barlow
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]