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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Ice (Cold & Heartless)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ForsakenAngel
    ASL Info:    19/F/Arkansas
    Elite Ratio:    6.37 - 147/73/18
    Words: 161
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 689
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 795



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIce (Cold & Heartless)dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Ice can melt,
    it can be broken in two,
    but it can shatter too...

    Ice shatters too...

    When it shatters,
    you can never pick up all the pieces...
    One is always missing.

    Everytime the ice shatters,
    with each missing piece...
    a part of its' soul is lost.

    My heart is the ice,
    in shatters...
    never complete.

    No matter how many times I try,
    picking up the pieces and going on with life..
    I am never the same...
    a part of me dies inside.

    Some title me cold and heartless,
    but they don't know...
    my ice can shatter too.




    Submitted on 2005-12-28 15:21:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      it was different seeing someone comparing their heart to ice, you really stressed throughout this whole poem that it can shatter, but out of your 6 stanzas all but one have the word, I kinda of feel that you are over using it, be creative but something different, yes shatter is a very powerful word but broke, destroy, splinter, smashed, broken, busted, devastated, traumatized, are words that mean the same thing, granted you could just tell me to f-off and that it is your poem and you won't change but is just my idea, it seems over used, one other thing that bothered me you say

    "Ice can melt" and then in a different stanza you say

    "When it shatters,
    you can never pick up all the pieces...
    One is always missing."

    if it's ice and melts wouldn't all the tiny pieces be missing not just one?? I'm sorry but when things are illogical in poems it bothers me.

    Now it is a good piece, I do believe that there are things that could be improved upon, but I got the very strong image of someone having to pick themselves up a lot.

    ~liz~
    | Posted on 2006-11-14 00:00:00 | by Fadingperson | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow. I like how you use ice as an example of your heart. This was very clever. Here's my fave stanza:

    Everytime the ice shatters,
    with each missing piece...
    a part of its' soul is lost.


    Ahh...so very true. I really like this piece and the way you write i think i might check out more of your work. Great write and keep going!

    Kim~
    | Posted on 2005-12-28 00:00:00 | by _NowOrNever_ | [ Reply to This ]
      that [censored] is pretty cool...comparing ice to your heart...I know your not cold, or heartless...atleast not toward me..thats all I really care about...:)... I'm gonna keep reading your stuff...I"m creating some hopes for a collaboration...and I hope that you are interested
    | Posted on 2006-06-26 00:00:00 | by maninthemirror | [ Reply to This ]


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