Description: a resubmit looking for freash feedback
affix -------------------------------------------
She stands there with eyes full of promise
I stand here with eyes full of aspiration
We kiss then throw away the script
and take the moment hostage
Plant this new birth in her protective earth
let new life
takes Its legs
and carry us together
Life's rythem leading the way
we'll follow it into forever
We've taken this new birth above clouds
So two hearts can become one
In this light no eyes can see us
So who can judge
Carve your message into my forearm
introduce my soul to your pain
Carry it in kidneys
That's hot. Every little bit says so much in so few words. At first it didn't really catch me except the part about throwing out the script and taking the moment hostage, but starting at "in this light no eyes can see us" I was hooked. From there I was held to the end, and I'm glad of it. That last bit is fantastic. The only change I would make is that it seems that "takes" in line 3 of stanza 2 should be "take" but that's all I noticed. Nice and creative work jessica
Submission Name: affix
