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    dots Submission Name: Separate Waysdots

    Author: KimmyMim
    Elite Ratio:    4.4 - 223/303/117
    Words: 126
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 1167
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1064

    this one just came out of me.
    I think it's an old wound
    that's been looking to live again.
    Now that it's out...well,
    it can be on it's way...good bye!

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSeparate Waysdots

    He stopped.
    Right in the middle
    of his sentence,
    he just stopped.

    The sudden silence
    stunned my humble heart
    like thunder unexpected,
    a rip-tide, echoing.
    He just...

    Without warning.
    He, who boldly dreamed
    through waking eyes,
    that watched and screamed,
    with laughing thoughts,
    and words so wise,
    those winks in jest,
    and smiling eyes,
    that never rest,
    that woke my lonely heart,
    at best.
    And then...

    Those cutting eyes,
    gazed into mine,
    His lips,
    they parted,
    brows combined,
    gently now,
    inhaled a breath,
    and then
    like sudden death,
    He stopped...

    His eyes,
    they closed,
    as if to say...

    he turned...
    and walked away...

    And knowing that
    it had to end,
    I never saw
    his face again.

    Submitted on 2005-12-28 21:54:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      ‘The blunt quiet pierced my tender heart’. Blunt, pierced, tender, hart. OMG! I love it! The whole poem was dense with beautiful descriptions like that. The anticipation I felt, it helped me appreciate the fall you must have gone though when he turned away. I want to analyze every sentence of that. The disbelief at the beginning, the description of the moment he realized he had to walk away. It was all so concise. I am quickly becoming a BIG fan of yours! More, more…
    | Posted on 2006-01-05 00:00:00 | by PaulHudson | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem is great! I was nearly crying by the time I reached the last verses! The way it gripped my attention and it made me vibrate was fabulous! It has got a catching rythm and the image it reflects is very vivid, like the whole thing was happening right here, right now. Again, lovely, lovely poem!
    | Posted on 2005-12-30 00:00:00 | by Kalyiel | [ Reply to This ]
      excellent, really. pretty gripping, i read every single line, and i reread each line coz i liked every one of em!

    "He just...

    i love this bit... i don't know why, perhaps because of it's slight abruptness...

    great job.. im gonna fav this one...

    | Posted on 2005-12-29 00:00:00 | by Mud | [ Reply to This ]
      I found the anticipation in this really kept me hanging on every word...you have done an incredible job of describing such a moment..it almost had me holding my breath :)...and i really liked the way you finished it off short and sweet..very appropriate indeed...stormy
    | Posted on 2005-12-29 00:00:00 | by stormyskies | [ Reply to This ]
      This was incredible really! It's a good thing you put the meaning in the description because I would have never guessed what it was about but since you did, it makes complete sence. It really is like some wound inside you that just stops without any sort of warning and it goes away and you never see it again. You have a really great style of writing. I'm gonna add this to my favs:)
    | Posted on 2005-12-28 00:00:00 | by HurtDeepDown | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked this poem It was well written and I think it was much deeper for me than you described in the description. I felt like I had been through this same situation in a different moment in a different day in a different place. What I really love about this poem is the fact that the sepereation seemed forced like it was out of both of your control, and in that aspect it touch me in a special way.

    great write
    | Posted on 2005-12-28 00:00:00 | by L.L.COLLINS | [ Reply to This ]

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