[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Galvanised night lightdots

    Author: Universal
    ASL Info:    17/f/Australia
    Elite Ratio:    3.21 - 46/48/35
    Words: 125
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1066
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 932


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsGalvanised night lightdots

    Thereís hot liquor clicking blanks,
    A level head feels a cartridge turn
    Groggy indifference coats unfinished letters
    Smoke swallows veteran addicts in nicotine dreams
    Cold sheets rub against the rhythmic shift of two bodies
    While the window aches, mourning swollen tresses

    Brittle air bites the singled sleeper
    Shallow outline haunts the mattress filling
    Reach to the touch of a hollow body
    Hand hitting the bustled curves of dirtied linen
    Scents linger eliciting pangs of lost passion
    Drawing in lonely limbs to bundled thoughts

    Fluorescent bulbs invade through an arching doorway
    The Slow dripping of fractured plumbing
    Night pressed by unbridled dawn
    Waking sounds dissolve placid immobility
    Roughly woven Blankets hide naked intents
    Realisation itís raining and the cats left outside

    Submitted on 2005-12-28 22:41:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      this is a very unique piece that misleadingly leads you into a poem about intercourse or atleast i think it does. and the title did throw me off aswell but i did enjoy this. i liked the description and the way each line was stated differently but still had the same idea. good job, i like it.

    - kase
    | Posted on 2006-01-01 00:00:00 | by kase | [ Reply to This ]
      At first I was thinking something totally different than what was intended, and though I thought deeply making myself think the opposite. Details gave a vivid picture
    | Posted on 2005-12-28 00:00:00 | by Dutchess_aira | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]