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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: You're Not Alonedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: KimmyMim
    Elite Ratio:    4.4 - 223/303/117
    Words: 508
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 1300
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1814



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsYou're Not Alonedots
    -------------------------------------------


    "You'll be just fine!"
    The Mother said,
    that day we fell
    and hit our head
    and lay upon the
    cold, hard ground,
    (We still can feel
    that cracking sound.)
    And though the
    scar is really small,
    It's Mom's cold
    heart that we recall.

    "You'll be alright!"
    The teachers say,
    tomorrow's just
    another day,
    (to feel the suffering
    and the pain
    that lack of love
    we seem to gain).
    And though the
    scar is but skin deep
    It's teacher's words
    We'll always keep.

    "Are you okay?"
    The Friends would ask,
    while snorting coke
    and smoking grass,
    to numb the hurt
    and soothe the cries
    (and mask the face
    of fears and lies).
    Cause now the wound
    is deep within
    We've saved ourselves!
    You can't come in!

    ...sigh...

    "We've turned out fine."
    We'll have you know,
    At fourty-five
    we took the blow,
    the death attempts
    to our own self,
    have now been put
    up on our shelf.
    Memories built
    on scars and pain
    will haunt in darkness
    if contained.
    We found life safe
    and worth the fight,
    when hearts are warm,
    endearing...
    bright.




    Submitted on 2005-12-29 11:02:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I love your style and rhythm. It's hard to find criticism for you when everything seems to work so well together.
    | Posted on 2006-09-19 00:00:00 | by causticprincess | [ Reply to This ]
      Aw simply beautiful and brilliantly written. This poem is easy to relate to and have message is so down to earth and clear. Keep up the brilliant writting. This was a delightful read. Have a blessed day.
    | Posted on 2006-03-19 00:00:00 | by Departed One | [ Reply to This ]
      WOW! Ď(We still can feel that cracking sound.)í. You know I had forgotten about that pain. I swear to you I can feel that awful sharp explosion of pain on my skull as I think about that sentence. That entire poem would have been worth reading just for that description. The fact the rest of it was brilliant is a large, rare bonus. My life story on my profile is Ďround twoí, referring to learning curves. And while Iím only 21, I appreciate what this poem means. Ill be honest though Iím enjoying the trials and tribulations, but Iíll be happy when Iím 45 with my own shelf. Hehe. GREAT STUFF!
    | Posted on 2006-01-05 00:00:00 | by PaulHudson | [ Reply to This ]
      This is the definition of poetry. Amazing.. you actually have me speechless. I just read this piece about five times consecutively, and I still want to read it again.

    Nope, I can't find anything but compliments to shower this poem with. I love the second section, about the teacher. That's a lie. I loved the whole lot.

    Sorry, Kim, you're gonna be stuck on my Favourite's List forever.

    Undying admiration,

    DeepDreamer2008
    | Posted on 2006-01-01 00:00:00 | by DeepDreamer2008 | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem is a poem of essence. Excellent use of image deliverence "We found life safe
    and worth the fight,
    when hearts are warm,
    endearing...
    bright"
    `always write poetry, Cheryl.
    | Posted on 2005-12-30 00:00:00 | by ladyngold | [ Reply to This ]
      I think this poem was better understood by people who have been through a thing or two. Me personaly, I loved it. It really hit home for me because I recently came two a simular conclusion about life. I am not trying to compare my little 22 years of experience to your experience but from reading this poem I can only hope to get there.
    | Posted on 2005-12-30 00:00:00 | by L.L.COLLINS | [ Reply to This ]
      My god, (please not small g so im not using God's name in vain) this poem is awesome! It is inspirational, I've been going through a rough time and this poem radiates hope and understanding. Well written, this is going on the Favs.
    | Posted on 2005-12-29 00:00:00 | by Cat | [ Reply to This ]
      My cousin says itís not arty enough and need more structure. He adds ďItís too immature and I donít think it was meant to be. She should have used some sort of rhyming that remained the same in each stanza.Ē I donít exactly know what that means, but I liked it. The first two paragraphs were the best.
    | Posted on 2005-12-29 00:00:00 | by Cloud_lion | [ Reply to This ]
      i enjoyed this read, the first 3 stanza's are pretty strong but i didnt feel it as much when i go to

    ...sigh...

    your repetition of the scars being more than skin deep are winners though. Keep writing like this and your bound to score more winners with the readers x
    | Posted on 2005-12-29 00:00:00 | by sunkissed_raven | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really good. I really like it and I hope some more of the younger people on here read it.
    ""You'll be alright!"
    The teachers say,
    tomorrow is
    another day,
    (to feel the suffering
    and the pain
    that lack of love
    we seem to gain).
    And though the
    scar is but skin deep
    It's teacher's words
    We'll always keep."

    Keep Writing
    -Caribou-
    | Posted on 2005-12-29 00:00:00 | by painofthanatos | [ Reply to This ]
      I think this was great. The structure and rhyme to it was very well put together. A message all can relate to for we have all been told these words since we can remember. The ending was fantastic. Good stuff maynared.
    | Posted on 2005-12-29 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]


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