[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Samaritan/Victimdots

    Author: Mytee
    Elite Ratio:    2.96 - 34/51/24
    Words: 196
    Class/Type: Deep Thought/Serious
    Total Views: 978
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1240

       Imagine being near death and having a kind stranger snatch you from it jaws.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    .Laid bare the weeping and gnashing
    Hope of death one way or the other
    Except not from fear, not here
    Pity if death overtakes me here

    Passers by don't bat an eye
    At the sight of the broken and discolored
    Life force decreasing, draining away
    Breath shallow, fading, going astray

    One eye raises as the other grazes
    Against the grainy grime of thick dirt
    Scaling murkily the road for the one
    Whom comes to complete what has been done

    The faint beat of the heart
    Perplexed of remains to start
    Pounding feet breaking dead wood and rocks
    Closer they approach as I take stock
    Braced frame for the ache of a sharp staff
    Erasing forever pending laughter

    Blacked out but awakening to the gentle face
    My spirit is replaced, laughter not erased
    Instead the feeling of being restored
    Gentle stranger granted my reward
    Gentle stranger came so that I am restored

    Submitted on 2005-12-29 11:22:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This was a perfect write...I have I think never told anyone that before but this really is amazing! This was some seriously intense imagry and emotion and you have alot of talent and I'm hooked on your writes and I just used like ten "ands" without a period. I can tell you take writing seriously which i think is [censored] awesome cuz honestly some of the ppl here I have to ask myself "why do they even write???" but I liked this one. great write...keep writing.
    you really took me somewhere else with this one hun.
    | Posted on 2006-01-01 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
      hey...that's one [censored] trip man...you better start writing more...we need serious writers like you in here...i went through a hell lot of trash before getting to this masterpiece...one more thing... i think you'd want to change the title...though its perfect in my own judgement...it hasn't got enough comments for the possible reason that people think its some kind of serious(which it infact IS, but here they don't like it) work...you know depicting some kind of civic activity or some act of kindness..which infact SHOULD be the real poetry...but amazing concept maan...
    | Posted on 2005-12-29 00:00:00 | by Devrath | [ Reply to This ]
      this is beautifully written! i really really like this! its like u sat there and actually thoght about wat ur writing! the imagery was perfect in this write! and yay! im ur first commenter! thats cool!
    ~akaila evonne~
    | Posted on 2005-12-29 00:00:00 | by iluvpoetry_1 | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]