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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: [title won't fit]dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: painofthanatos
    Elite Ratio:    4.32 - 684/571/86
    Words: 217
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 770
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1349



    Description:
       Title: I Never Thought I Could Enjoy Listening to Tori Amos


    Okay, you guys don't have to like this, but I can't stop thinking about that night today...so yeah....
    For the record, I used to hate Tori Amos, well not really hate, I just couldn't enjoy listening to her, now I listen all the time....right now even, lol.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots[title won't fit]dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Two hours before the dance
    We're not worried about
    Our hair, our dresses, our make-up
    I'm following you deeper into the woods
    You said you wanted to show me something
    Curiousity has always gotten the best of me

    We come to a leaning tree and I follow you up
    Left foot, right foot
    Left foot, right foot
    I'm terrified of heights
    5 feet feels like 5 thousand
    You put your hand in mine and I know I'm safe
    I sit down and you stand up
    You sing and you dance
    -I know what angels sound like-

    You smile and you sit real close
    And for the first time you really kiss me
    We've both thought of this moment for over a year now
    Sitting in the twilight it's more amazing then I could have imagined

    Suddenly we remember what tonight is
    And we race back to your house
    We change in seperate rooms - your parents have always suspected...
    But it's so natural to wrap our arms around each other for a few pictures

    We spend half the night under the stars
    They faded behind your smile
    Four hours later we made it home and back to your bedroom


    You turned on Tori Amos
    You turned off the lights




    Submitted on 2005-12-29 13:30:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      hehe, this is so cool. I loved the scene that you painted in my head in the beginning. Great stuff. I can just imagine 'him' dancing and singing...hehe..anywayz..this was a really great write...

    kris
    | Posted on 2006-01-31 00:00:00 | by Raindrops | [ Reply to This ]
      Thats lovely
    The end kind of made me laugh because of the description.
    Thats so cute though. The wording is pretty.
    My favorite part is:

    "Two hours before the dance
    We're not worried about
    Our hair, our dresses, our make-up
    I'm following you deeper into the woods
    You said you wanted to show me something
    Curiousity has always gotten the best of me"

    I don't know why, but I really love that part.
    Very beautifully done

    -nikkki
    | Posted on 2006-01-13 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]
      ‘They faded behind your smile’, love it, reminds me of, ‘and the trees and bushes about the place did seem like mid night at noon day’. Total visual blur, the moment you fall in love. I agree with what Devrath said about imagery. ‘I'm following you deeper into the woods’ would make a nice simile like ‘I’m following you deeper into the woods, into the thicket, the new sprung saplings of our love.’
    | Posted on 2006-01-05 00:00:00 | by PaulHudson | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a really good write
    I personally could never judge someones work to be below average
    I find beauty in all poetry
    There is no such thing as a bad poem
    they are too filled with emotion and love to be considered negative
    Anyways
    I too Love Tori Amos
    Her voice is so soothing
    I remember when I found her music I felt like
    I was breaking Fremm
    From the Silence of all these years
    God Bless
    Your Friend
    Ron
    | Posted on 2005-12-30 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      Not a great write. Everybody knows what to expect from these works- you might have an entirely different or perfect image for this this one- but it JUST did not impress. See, the feeling could've been made greater if you would have used some kind of visuals, you know- some objects to compare, relate- so the reader actually puts 'himself/herself' into the image of you and THEN begins to feel, not just graze trough the lines.
    What you've done here is just spoken of things what we have already seen and done- and that too in predictable verses.
    Below average work.
    -Devrath.
    | Posted on 2005-12-30 00:00:00 | by Devrath | [ Reply to This ]
      the typo's are there.. and the structure is a lil warped. but it still has a decent flow...
    but i like all the aspects of 'love' that you do bring up. for example, you talk of love. and of how one is willing to overcome so many hurdles to be with the one you love. and how the whole world seems just perfect etc etc etc... its very realistic and relatable.
    | Posted on 2005-12-29 00:00:00 | by Sanjhana | [ Reply to This ]
      hmmm this had my singing and swaying "secret lovers ...yea...that's what we are..."
    lol

    but all joking aside i really enjoyed the imagery this created...only for me I saw the two in the trees as small children...preteens...
    not sure if this was meant to describe "puppy love" or what...

    p.s. you may also want to fix some of the typo's

    Tina
    EGB
    | Posted on 2005-12-29 00:00:00 | by Brownsdelight | [ Reply to This ]


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